Posted by Pascal on August 25, 2020 at 8:48
Few things seem as intimidating as talking to a girl you just met. Even more so when you are romantically interested in this new girl. While having a chat might seem easy enough on the surface, you want it to build up to something meaningful while making the right impression.
Finding an appropriate mix of confidence, interest, and even cockiness to throw into your conversation is something you’ll acquire with experience. You need to get it right to avoid being boxed into the friend zone or labelled as a creep or a bore.
Knowing what to say to a girl you just met will help you progress past the initial – often awkward – first few minutes of conversation. It takes practice, sure, but here are a few pointers that should help you do just that.
Do you remember your last conversation with your friends? What did you talk about, exactly?
Maybe you have a pretty good idea, but if you might have a hard time writing down from memory.
And that’s how most conversations go. The details of what you say to a girl you just met will matter less than how you say it. As long as you don’t say something horribly bad, her impression of you will be influenced first and foremost by how you made her feel.
As a rule, you would do well to be polite, friendly, and respectful of her space. And relax, there is no need to overthink it. Even if your conversation is not flawless, you can score points with a fun and sociable demeanor.
That being said, here are a few ideas of how you can talk, and maybe flirt with a girl you just met.
Girls are done with corny pick up lines. You can still use them to catch her attention online, but it’s best to steer clear of overused and often awkward “openers” in real life.
Finding common ground seems to work better for building rapport.
When you just met a girl, you don’t know yet what your common interests are. However, you can still manage to say something relevant by commenting on what you are both doing. It is, after all, something you and her have in common. A shared experience.
Again, no need to complicate things. Simple comments are just as effective as elaborate ones. If your comment gets the conversation going, that’s enough. Rare are the couples who can remember exactly how their first conversation started anyways.
Think of simple, straight-to-the-point statements. If you meet a cute girl in a bar, for example, comment on the cocktails (“Woah that looks good, what’s it called?”) the music (“You know this band?”) the furniture, the staff… whatever you can think of.
Remember that what you say doesn’t need to be brilliant nor insightful. That should help take the edge off starting a conversation with a woman you don’t know.
You may not be comfortable with off-the-cuff comments, or perhaps you genuinely don’t know how to start a conversation with a girl. The next best thing for you could to simply say “Hi” and introduce yourself.
You are really just trying to open the door to a possible conversation. There is no need to reinvent the wheel if you don’t have to.
There are several reasons why this approach is effective:
Again, your attitude will make or break your approach. She will remember your smile and confidence.
Everyone, at some point or another, has been stuck in an unpleasant or uncomfortable situation.
If you offer a girl to do something that is more interesting – or even just less unpleasant – than what she is currently doing, she could accept your suggestion with open arms.
And since these situations seem to happen all the time, you have lots of opportunities to be the guy who makes her day better.
So, be on the lookout for those situations. It could be a girl alone at a concert, stranded in a mall because of the rain, or stuck in a stuffy classroom all day.
All you have to say is: “Mind if I keep you company while you wait for your friends?” or “Wanna grab a coffee while we wait out the storm?”
She might be delighted by your offer. Even if nothing comes of it, you’ll at least brighten her day.
If run into each other again in the future, you’ll be glad you did.
Compliments, when they are genuine and unique, are a good way to make someone happy.
However, be careful. A disingenuous compliment will almost always backfire, as she will probably pick up on it and wonder about your true intentions.
You also want to make your comment original. Telling her something she hears all the time won’t have the same impact, as she’ll have grown numb to it.
Just find something you really appreciate about her and drop it into your conversation. A pretty girl might appreciate you looking past her appearance and commenting on her fun personality. Or you might have noticed something she is great at, like dancing or sports.
Whatever you like about her, let her know.
You can also use this as a hint to see how you are doing. Does she look happy about the compliment received? That’s good, keep the conversation going. If, however, she just gives a cold “thanks” or ignores your compliment, she might not be all that into you. Take your foot off the gas pedal and give her some space. If she’s interested, she’ll make an effort to talk to you. If not, she’ll appreciate you leaving her some space to breathe.
Humor makes many situations better. A bit of banter keeps things fun, lightens the mood, and calms the nerves.
It is also no secret that some teasing is also a good way to flirt with a girl.
Just start with small quips and build up or tone it down depending on how she reacts to your humor. If she teases you back and laughs, she’s comfortable with you. If she seems a bit uneasy or you are not sure she is having fun, apologize, explain you were just trying to make a joke, and quickly move on to another topic. Not everyone has the same sense of humor. Plus, there may be cultural factors at play. Not everyone picks up on sarcasm, for example.
But in general, joking is a great way to put everyone at ease. It shows you are here to have a good time, and that tends to draw people to you. Everyone likes a good time!
That being said, we haven’t talked about the most important way you can keep a conversation going: asking questions.
Asking questions and sharing a bit of personal information is a great way to get to know a girl you just met, but it does much more than that.
Did you know that there is a set of questions that, when asked to complete strangers, could potentially make them fall in love?
American psychologists have conducted a study in which they argued that it only took 36 questions to foster closeness and intimacy between two people.
The idea is that sharing vulnerability creates a deeper connection with another person.
Questions, thus, are more than a way to get to know a girl. They are an opportunity to find common ground and conversate with her in ways that random chit-chat doesn’t allow.
Here are some questions you should ask:
Qualifying questions are open-ended questions that allow you to know more about who the girl you just met really is. Is she a good match for you?
With these simple, straightforward questions, you are trying to see if her values and lifestyle are compatible with yours. They can be as straightforward as simply asking: “So, what’s your deal?” or “What do you usually get up to on the weekends?”
When you ask qualifying questions, you are doing two things:
This second point is important because men with standards are usually men with high value and options. In doing so, you are indirectly showing her that you are someone worth pursuing.
Sure, you’ve just met this girl. But you can probably get a good idea of how she will treat you later by asking her about the people in her life.
Does she have a good relationship with her family? Or do you sense any resentment that could indicate issues?
You don’t need to probe too deeply, sometimes you will notice things in the general flow of conversation. If she has long-term friends she relies on, that could show you she is dependable and knows how to work past potential conflicts. That she can commit to someone on the long term.
If, however, she tells you how everyone around her is always a huge disappointment, that could be a red flag for dating.
Good conversations go deeper than small talk and niceties. If your goal is to see this girl again, you need to connect with her somehow.
Building rapport is how you do it. And you build rapport with good questions.
Ask questions on interesting things. They can be on almost anything. For example, you could say “So why did you choose this place to vacation?” or “You seem to really like that band eh?”. Again, anything is okay.
When she answers, let her elaborate and develop. Follow up on what she says. What emotions is she bringing up? How does that relate to your own experience? Maybe you can share your own perspective too.
Finding connection on a deeper level is a sure way to make things progress from simple flirting to dating.
Remember that it is normal to feel a bit nervous before talking to a girl you don’t know very well. If you only remember one thing from this article, make it this point: it probably won’t be what you say to a girl you just met, but how you said it that makes her see you as a potential date, friend, or – ahem – creepy stranger.
As long as you remember to be polite, energetic if appropriate, and relaxed, you will do well. Keep in mind that she doesn’t owe you her time and attention but will gladly give both if you make her day better.
If you are not sure what to say, ask a few questions. Try to make the first encounter short and sweet. Long enough for her to want to see you again but not too long that the conversation dies down.
When leaving, be honest about your intentions. Let her know you had a good time with her. Of course, adapt what you say to the situation and your personality. But before you get to work on the best way to say goodbye to your future girlfriend, you should start by meeting girls you can date!