When your ex comes back into your life long after your separation, you might feel a few ways about it:
And you know what? All these emotions are valid responses.
You might even feel a bit of each: sad, angry, happy, and curious all at once. In any case, this is not going to leave you indifferent.
But before you do anything, you most likely have quite the pressing question: “Why is he coming back now? How come?”
This is not an easy question to answer by any means, especially if you have little information to go on. However, whether you want to get a dialogue going again or ignore your ex completely, you need to understand his motives.
Only then will you be able to judge whether you really want to talk to your ex.
Being in a relationship has a ton of advantages:
The list goes on and on.
But the sad thing is that men sometimes forget about these, especially when the initial excitement and butterflies that were present at the beginning of your relationship wear off.
And so they start thinking – incorrectly, often – that they would be happier alone. Especially if you have been fighting or if they only see the downsides of being in a committed relationship. But the truth is that, in long-term relationships, you might not have all the excitement, but you have a sense of comfort and security that is proven to reduce stress and make you happier.
When your ex left you, they probably realized very quickly that their life is not as rosy and filled with excitement as they had hoped.
There is no one to come home to, no one to talk to regularly, no one to help him (and no one that he can help), no one who really knows and understands him… This might be weighing on him.
So, maybe that’s why your ex is coming back months later: he regrets leaving you.
Reason Men Come Back #2: He chose someone else then came back
If you have been separated from your ex for several months, there is a possibility that he went on dates. Maybe he even met someone else and was in a relationship with her.
But no matter what happened, he was disappointed.
There could be several reasons for that:
In all cases, the bottom line is this: the grass was not greener on the other side for him.
And it is easier for your ex to simply revisit the relationship he had with you than to be with someone else. Maybe he even thought he could “do better”, but never really found someone he clicked with.
So, now, of course, he misses you and realizes how good you were to him.
Meeting good people to date is not always easy for anyone. But you can get some help if you know where to look.
At Vidamora, everything is set up to make dating as easy and enjoyable as possible: from instant messaging, to verified profiles and thousands of people who share your interests and affinities. Why not give it a try and sign up today?
Did your ex come back just at the time when you were starting to enjoy your life? Right when you just started talking to this cute guy you met the other day?
This might not be a coincidence.
And the short explanation is that your ex is jealous. Yes, even if he was the one who initiated the break-up!
As long as you remained single or depressed, he was not too worried. You remained connected to him and your previous relationship with him in a way.
But now that you are making steps towards a new life – a life without him – he is waking up: You are going to forge new bonds, create new memories, and remove him from the picture.
Even though your relationship is over, felt like he was part of your life. And now it is about to be relegated to just an afterthought in your mind.
He is also going to lose any hope of getting back with you if he waits too long. He realizes that he does not want to lose you forever to someone else, and cannot afford to wait.
That realization could be enough for to make a man come back into your life.
“It’s not you, it’s me.”
This sentence feels like a cliché. We accept it as just something people say to spare your feelings when they break-up with you.
But sometimes, it’s the truth.
Maybe your ex couldn’t be with you, not because he did not like you, but because he did not feel ready. His life was a mess, he had no idea what he wanted, he was not ready to be in a relationship… maybe he even felt like he did not deserve you!
So, he left.
And while he was away, he could have worked on himself. Maybe he made new friends, started a hobby, followed his passions, got some success in his life.
All that could have developed his confidence.
To the point that now, he feels good about himself. He likes the person he has become, and wants to show it to you.
That’s also why he came back after so long: this growth, this personal improvement, that takes time.
But now that he feels like someone worth dating, he is basically testing the waters with you to see if you agree.
Your break-up probably was not the best time of your life. That’s a fair assumption in a lot of cases.
But what you did after the separation is what really matters here.
Then your life probably feels a lot better now than it was when you were with this guy.
And he has noticed.
If you are really enjoying your life and seem like you are having fun, then you are a fun person to be around too. This will inevitably get your ex’s attention, and he will start to think that life with you seems really, really interesting.
That is probably why he suddenly reappears in your life months after you broke up: this is the time you needed to grow and make changes.
Now, why he could not just stand by you while you were improving is another question, and you had to ask yourself:
How you answer these questions will help you determine whether you accept your ex back into your life or if you are better off without him.
The interesting thing about perspective is that you can only gain it looking back. Clarity oftentimes come only after some time has elapsed.
When you and your ex broke up, he may not have understood what he lost at the time. Who he let go.
He might not have even been fully aware of how amazing you were when you were dating.
But now, he has had some time to digest it. To process things and look at the situation objectively. And his conclusion is simple: You were one of the best things in his life, if not the best.
The realization might have come gradually, over time.
Or it could have been abrupt. Like when his family told him that he is an idiot for letting you go and that he would be foolish to not try to try to get back with you.
In any case, he has reached the same conclusion: he wants you back into his life.
Which begs the question: Are you also ready to make up with your ex?
There are several reasons why your ex could be trying to make you jealous:
So, how does he get under you skin exactly?
By showing you how cool his new life is without you!
Depending on what he has been up to, he might burst into your life proudly telling you about his new girlfriend, the promotion he got and how much money he is making, or just to show off his body transformation and how muscular he has become.
But if you are not really interacting with him, how can he make sure that you are aware of all that?
That’s why he is suddenly back into your life.
He needs to get your attention, and the best way to do that is to get back in touch with you.
His intention might not necessarily be 100% bad. Your ex might even be trying to get you back.
But this strategy – making you jealous and getting under your skin – is, at the very least, questionable.
Radio silence and going no contact is an increasingly common way of dealing with a difficult break-up: instead of spending time and energy talking with your ex, you cut off all communications:
And certainly not replying to sms and other notifications you receive.
Instead, all your focus is on getting over your ex, improving your life, and building your life back up.
Maybe this is the strategy your ex chose to get over you.
To do that, he may have decided of a specific timeframe – from a few weeks to a few months – where he would not interact with you at all.
But now, that period might be over.
And if your ex feels comfortable enough to talk with you, if he thinks he can have a conversation without getting angry or resentful, and if he has dealt with his emotions appropriately, he might be ready to re-open the dialogue.
This explains why it takes your ex so long to reply to your messages. He has waited until the timing was right… for him, at least.
Indeed, just because he feels ready and open to talk does not mean that you are. If you need more time to grieve and process things, or if you are not interested in talking with him, feel free to let him know that.
The timing needs to be right for everyone.
If you have ever signed up for online dating as a woman, you know you can be spoiled for choice.
Guys will often contact you first. Sometimes you receive so many messages that you cannot even respond to all of them.
So it is easy to ignore these men dropping into your inbox.
Just like it is easy to ignore the random guy talking to you at the grocery store – seriously, you just want to do some shopping – or your former work colleague you barely knew from two years ago.
But you know who is harder to ignore?
Your ex. Someone you have dated for a while, who you share a connection and a history with.
And your ex is aware of that.
Now, think of your dating experience, and consider that for your ex, as a man, he is probably having the opposite experience: unless he an incredibly cool guy, he might not receive a whole lot of attention. And the women he contacts in real life might ignore you or pay him little mind.
So, how does he get this attention? Who does he contact that he knows will be more likely to react to his actions?
You, of course.
When men contact you looking for attention, they are actually looking for different things:
You have every right in the world to respond to his messages or calls. Just be aware that his intentions could be selfish and end up hurting you.
You are on the Vidamora.com.
Meet and date for free. It's 100% free.
Now that you have seen several reasons your ex could be contacting you, one thing is clear: Your ex could have a wide range of motivations for doing it, and it is hard to know exactly what is going on:
So, how do you know what is going on in his mind?
You talk with him. Ask him directly what is going on.
But before that, you should keep a few rules in mind:
After doing this introspective work, if you feel ready to talk things through and see what your ex wants, then you have every right to respond. Send him a text, or two, and open the door to renewing the dialogue with him, at a rhythm you feel comfortable with.
One last thing: If you are still on the fence about replying to him when he reaches out, you can simply ask your friends and family what they think about it. If everyone is trying to dissuade you to do it – or on the contrary, if everyone seems delighted that you might reconnect with him – your decision will be much easier.
From there, you never know what the future might hold for you, so be open to any possibility.
Best of luck.
Did you like this article? You can share it for your friends to enjoy
November 2, 2020
Recognizing the signs that a girl likes you is an essential dating skill. However, it is only the first step. You also have to identify what to do when you know a girl likes you. Wait too much and she might lose interest. Move too fast and she might be put off by your assertiveness. As with most things in l...Lire la suite
October 16, 2019
Being a single parent means certain parts of life can prove a little trickier to navigate. Take dating, for example. While it used to be a two-person affair, it now involves more people. Kids, first and foremost. Not only yours, but the ones your romantic interest might bring into the picture as well. Your previous partne...Lire la suite
May 21, 2020
Dating as a single parent comes with share of challenges. From a general lack of time to feelings of guilt about dating again, it can be a tad overwhelming. But if things are going well, one question will inevitably pop up: how do you introduce your new partner to your kids? If you found someone great, you might b...Lire la suite
July 19, 2019
In the last few years, online dating has become normalized. Indeed, more and more of the people you talk to consider this a good way of meeting new partners. However, with the widespread use of dating sites like Vidamora and the numerous users that sign up for online dating every single day, meeting that special person o...Lire la suite
September 13, 2022
Relationships do not always have to be linear: first date, second date, dating, moving in together… Sometimes life has other plans for you. You might be too busy for a relationship. Or your boyfriend moved to another city and you find long-distance relationships too hard. Short breaks from romantic relationships ...Lire la suite
September 12, 2022
So, you’ve got a great girl in your life? Congratulations! Being in love can be one of the best feelings in the world. If you are like most guys, you probably want to do all you can to make this girl feel loved and special. To show her how much she means to you, each and every day. Which quickly brings an importan...Lire la suite
May 31, 2022
Look at any relationship between two people, and you would be hard pressed to find one that has not had any rougher patches. Even couples who look perfect on the surface have most likely had struggles, experienced ups and downs. That is simply how life is between humans. And that is why you don’t think about br...Lire la suite
May 18, 2022
Relationships and romantic feelings often bring out some pretty intense behaviors. Off the top of your head, you might already be associating budding romances with wanting to text your boyfriend as soon as you wake up, thinking about him all the time at work or at school, and jumping at every opportunity to hang out wit...Lire la suite
March 16, 2022
You may not really be happy to discover that your girlfriend needs a break. No guy is ever ready for that, really. So, if that is happening to you, just know that the unpleasant feelings you are experiencing are normal. First of all, you should know that this is a common situation – albeit not a fun one –...Lire la suite
February 23, 2022
When your ex comes back into your life long after your separation, you might feel a few ways about it: You might be intrigued, especially if you had little to no way to know what they have been up to. Curiosity is human. You could get mad. How dare he feel so entitled to your time and attention that he thinks he can ju...Lire la suite
February 16, 2022
One of the hardest things about breaking up with someone is the relationships you leave behind in the process. Because yes, you lose more than one: There is the relationship you had with your ex, of course, Then there are also all the mutual friends and their side of the family, with whom you often lose touch, And ...Lire la suite
February 2, 2022
Is there anything more frustrating than being ignored by your girlfriend and not knowing how to talk to her, or even why she is not talking to you? If there is, it must be something really, really frustrating indeed. Yet, it happens all the time. Even in relationships that seem to be going well. Just because your ...Lire la suite
January 20, 2022
Ah, relationships! Like them or not, they often make us go through all sorts of emotions. Sometimes we are not even in control of them. Where you used to be a completely rational and even-keeled individual, you now become a bit of a mess. So to speak. Emotions can sometimes prevail over your more logical and composed...Lire la suite
January 12, 2022
Most men around the world will have a few things in common. Young boys in school try to learn about fitting in with their peers. Teenagers wonder about growing their first beard. Adults in their twenties are curious about having a good career… and so on and so forth. But there is one thing that pretty much eve...Lire la suite
© 2023 |Terms & Conditions