Most men around the world will have a few things in common.
Young boys in school try to learn about fitting in with their peers. Teenagers wonder about growing their first beard. Adults in their twenties are curious about having a good career… and so on and so forth.
But there is one thing that pretty much every guy has in common.
It’s not necessarily a need to impress, but a desire for being better. Doing cool things and becoming a better man each and every day.
That is why you are just as likely to find young guys asking about how to be cool in high school as you are men in their forties and sixties making extravagant purchases to try and be cooler.
Men often think that when you become a cool guy, your life will be better. You will be more confident, more attractive, and just more fun to be around in general.
Sure, that effort to be cool will often translate as external validation from your friends and strangers – and indeed, that is one great benefit of it. But above all, it is a process that men undertake for themselves.
By trying to be cooler, by becoming better men, they feel better and enjoy their life more.
Okay, but a lot of men are more than willing to put in the work. However, they do not know where to start. How do you become cool? Especially if you have never been popular or self-confident in the past?
If you have asked yourself these questions, fear not.
Cool guys, by and large, share similar beliefs. They act in a way and do certain things that make them cooler.
If you study what they do, and reproduce their actions, then you too can learn how to be cooler.
Here are a few tips to help you on the way:
This is probably the most important lesson when you try to be cool: act like yourself.
Admittedly, this is hard to do.
You see how the cool kids at school dress and talk. Naturally, you want to imitate them. To let some of their coolness rub off on you by hanging out with them.
But there is a problem with that: it does not work.
To start with, it is obvious when you try to be someone you are not. Other people may not be able to clearly articulate it, but they will know something is “off” or unnatural about the way you act.
That, in turn, will make them more guarded and cautious around you. They may even avoid you altogether, not knowing what to make of you.
This is why the number one characteristic of cool people is authenticity.
Being authentic and true to yourself is scary. It means exposing parts of yourself that you may have insecurities about. Plus, it means that when others reject you based on your values and real opinions, they are rejecting your true self.
That stings more.
But ironically, it is only when you get the courage to be yourself, to assume your hobbies, your interests, your quirks and your strengths and weaknesses, that others start respecting you for it.
If your main preoccupation is “How can I become a cool guy quickly?”, this is it.
Speaking up, and not compromising on your values is one of the fastest ways to be cooler.
That means having that difficult conversation. Choosing consciously to keep your opinion even if others disagree. Not saying “yes” when you really mean “no”. Knowing where you stand and not being afraid to back it up.
We often fear disagreeing in our relationships because we think that disagreements will deteriorate them.
And yes, that may lead to some fights and conflicts.
But in the end, you get two things:
Now, there is an important caveat, in that you cannot lose your calm when you voice your opinion. You are not trying to bully people into agreeing with you by attacking them. Nor are you trying to get them to your side by being passive aggressive and devious.
Those strategies might get your point across, but not in the best way. They would push people away from you, not towards you.
To give you a better idea of how to be cool by not avoiding difficult conversations, have a look at this video.
In it, you will see David Bowie, calmly, but assertively ask an interviewer why MTV featured so few Black artists.
Now, the important thing to note is that the journalist himself was working for MTV at the time.
No matter how you look at it, the conversation was always going to be complicated. Yet Bowie did not shy away from it. He did not hem and haw, or dance around the point.
Whether you were a fan of his songs or not, you were bound to respect his courage and his composure.
David Bowie was a pretty cool guy.
You may not be a fan of James Bond, but surely, even then, you would agree that he is a rather cool guy, right?
Now, imagine James Bond constantly checking his phone, waiting to hear back from his date.
Got it? How about if he were to send her a text – just a short text, to check-in with her – asking her: “Why are you ignoring me? Did I do something wrong?”
James Bond, begging a girl for attention? No, something does not feel right about this image.
See, you can be cool. You have the right to be needy too. But you cannot be both at the same time.
Collectively, we have this image of a self-reliant, self-assured, confident guy. Someone who stays stoic and unshaken in the face of adverse events. These qualities are a big turn-on for women.
Being needy will destroy those optics.
Women are not attracted to clingy men. Men who depend on their girlfriends for their self-esteem. That is just the way of the world.
Of course, not being needy does not mean that you have to act invincible.
You have the right to ask for help when you need it. To feel emotional attachment to someone else. And to be in touch with your emotions.
But when the time comes – and it will come – when you face a challenge, or some adversity, you need to rise up to the occasion, not shy away from it begging for someone else to help you.
Humor has always been a great tool to build solid social interactions.
People who can make others laugh are viewed more favorably and judged as being more intelligent.
In other words, they are people whose company we seek. Fun people to be around. Cool people who can make everyone around them have a good time and know how to defuse tense situations with appropriately timed jokes and banter.
Thus, working on your sense of humor will always benefit your social – and dating life.
Admittedly, that is easier said than done.
If you are not totally comfortable with it, here are a few ways you can get better:
There is a reason why so many comedians use observational humor. Sometimes life gets funny and simply pointing it out will make people laugh. Other times, you just need to exaggerate the situation a little bit for it to become really humoristic.
So, keep an open mind for incongruous things around you. If it makes you smile or it intrigues you, there is a good chance others will laugh at it as well.
Roasting people is funny only if you know what you are doing and have the other person’s agreement – or if you know how they will react.
But if your jokes are hurtful or disrespectful, you may come across as mean-spirited.
Jokes are only funny if everyone laughs. Keep that in mind, and you will avoid many an embarrassment, both for yourself and the person you make fun of.
Here is an uncomfortable truth: you will not make others laugh if you are too uptight in general. Being serious all the time, and then coming up with a funny remark will feel awkward and forced at best, and disingenuous in the worst case.
The solution to that is to always keep a mindset that is open and fun. To look for amusing or weird situations in your daily life even when you are alone.
And of course, part of it is to be able to laugh at yourself. To not take yourself too seriously.
Dark humor and offensive jokes are best left to professionals. Basically, anything potentially offensive is carrying an inherent risk of making you look bad.
So, before blurting out whatever you have on your mind, ask yourself if what you say will hurt someone. If you can easily imagine other people looking at you and saying: “That’s not cool, man,” or “Don’t say that please,” then restrain yourself.
Similarly, laughing at yourself for some harmless blunder you committed is usually going to go well. But being self-deprecating about serious matters and insecurities will lower your status.
That’s just not what a cool guy does.
Have you ever met someone who could not stop talking about themselves?
They just came back from a ski trip to Aspen. last week, they had a conversation with the author Stephen King. Oh, and they recently featured as an extra in a famous Hollywood movie.
Pretty cool stuff, don’t you think?
Yet, at the end of the conversation, did you think you had just met someone really cool?
See, there are two things wrong with that sort of conversation.
In both cases, that is just not what cool guys do.
The easiest to not be like that man in the example is to listen more than you speak.
That’s it, really.
You will often hear that you need to ask follow-up questions, nod when the other person is talking, encourage them to keep talking by interjecting some “hum hums,” and “awws”, maintain eye contact… and the list goes on.
In truth, none of that really matters.
Indeed, you will not need to “act” like you are paying attention to what the other person is saying if you are, well… paying attention.
There is one caveat to the statement above:
Paying attention in a conversation is simple, but it is not easy.
The main reason for that is that you can think much faster than the other person can speak.
So, your mind will have time to wander and think about random things like what you need to do, or what you will have for dinner.
Plus, while the other person is talking, you will suddenly think of a great anecdote or some witty come-back to what they just said.
Both are detrimental to having quality conversations.
This sort of things frustrates the other person and keeps the dialogue at surface level, preventing any chance of having a deeper, more enriching conversation.
The best advice you will hear on this is really to go with the flow of the conversation:
A cool guy knows that you can learn from every person you meet, every conversation you have with them. And so the more people you meet, the more you can learn.
CTA Phrase d’accroche: If you are interested in developing your conversation skills, start by meeting new people.
CTA Action: There are thousands of single women on Vidamora you could talk to right now. Who knows, maybe it will lead to beautiful relationships.
This is going to sound blunt, but it is true: it is very hard to be a cool guy if you look like a slob.
Fortunately, you do not need to look like Brad Pitt to be cool. Not at all.
Your job is to work with the looks that you have been gifted by nature as a starting point. And make sure you do your best in these areas:
There is no need to go overboard in any of these areas. Shower, put on some cologne, throw away some unflattering clothes and replace them with a tailored shirt…
All of this work will make you look better, but more importantly, more confident.
And that is precisely how a cool guy acts: with confidence.
Other people want to be around cool guys because cool guys raise those around them up.
You already saw that being a good conversationalist – and by extension, a good listener – will leave a good impression on those you talk with.
But that is not the only way cool guys have a positive influence on those around them.
Friendliness is also a character-trait that attracts people. As long as you are not over-friendly, because people need to be able to relax and breathe around you. Smiling and taking a genuine interest in others is usually good enough.
Giving real compliments is another way to make those around you feel good. It shows that you do not put yourself above them and can recognize their qualities.
Helping others also comes to mind. How cool is it to have a friend who is ready to give a hand when you need some assistance? Of course, don’t let others take advantage of you while still being generous with your time.
Finally, if you have something you want to complain about, just don’t. Complaining, which admittedly can feel good temporarily, only pushes people away from you. It is hard for others to be around someone negative, boring, or who is a general drag on your group’s dynamics. Cool guys don’t complain.
If you can do all that, you will bring value to your circle of friends and potential dates. And guys who bring value are cool.
You will become someone who other guys want to be around and who women chase. It is as simple as that.
To be well-rounded, you will need a couple more things:
Now, here is the kicker:
In all aspects of life, whether we are talking about the things you enjoy or the people you like, some people will disapprove. You may even feel judged, at times.
But none of that should matter to you: cool guys are not afraid to be different. They assume their choices and shape their life around the things they love. Passions and life purposes that give them energy and ambition.
That is not only a great way to become more charismatic, but also very cool.
You will always find people to disagree with your life choices.
But similarly, with time, you will also find your peers. People who think and act like you, and with whom you can exchange. And of course, with whom you fit in.
If you go through life attempting not to offend anyone and to get along with everyone, it will not work.
You will feel forced to live by a set of values and do things in a way that is not true to your character. That is a very slippery slope towards feeling down, misunderstood, resentful, and generally depressed. This is the opposite of what you want.
Not being afraid to show your true colors, on the other hand, is going to do the opposite for you.
You will be able to live a life in a way that feels authentic and real.
That, in turn, will attract people who share similar values. And because your passion will not be faked, because your interests are real, you will look really cool in their eyes.
This means that one of the best ways to be cooler is to simply hang around people who, because they share your values and way of life, will be more likely to think that you are cool.
You may not have heard of Syukuro Manabe, but you can bet he is quite cool in the eyes of those who study physics.
And the people who disagree with your life choices, what about them?
Well, they are entitled to their own opinion. In reality, it might not bother you as much as you think it will.
But this might sounds crazy, but if they see you living your best life, with genuine beliefs – which you are unwavering about – they could actually respect you for it.
So, go ahead, and live the life you want to live.
There are many ways to be cool, but in the end, the person whose opinion matters the most is YOU.
If you think you are cool, you will behave, with confidence, in a way that attracts people. In turn, more and more people will learn to recognize you as “one of the cool guys”.
And the best part is this: You can start living like that today.
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