Posted by Pascal on May 4, 2021 at 14:09
As a man, you may be well-accustomed to the notion that if you want a relationship, you should be the one pursuing it.
Learning how to get women to chase you might not even be on your radar.
Instead, as a man, you are expected to ask her out, to invite her on a date, to make the first move.
This idea seems so prevalent that there is no escaping it. It’s everywhere you look: from books to movies and TV shows. Just take your pick! In Bridget Jones’ diary, two men are – literally – fighting over who should date the heroin. Shows like The Big Bang Theory and Friends have guys crush on their female friends for several seasons before finally getting to date them. In 50 first dates, Adam Sandler’s character is pulling out all the stops, day after day, to seduce Drew Barrymore, only doubling down on his efforts until it clicks. And the list could go on and on…
And yet, because of the way dating is set up, this is often what happens.
If only you could learn how to make women chase you, how to attract them to you. That would be much easier, wouldn’t it?
While there is no secret formula to guarantee that sort of result, there are things you can do to improve your odds. A good start would be to implement the following strategies:
In an age where everyone’s attention is at a premium, you will need to catch her eye quickly, and often.
Think of it like signing up for an online dating site. To stand out with an irresistible dating profile, you’ll need some attention-grabbing pictures. Real life won’t be that much different.
Start with all the basics: clean shave, nice haircut, good deodorant…
Then, depending on the season, your own taste, and budget, add some nice clothes to complement your appearance. You can go with a perfectly tailored suit, sure, but that’s not always necessary. A fresh shirt with some colorful shorts can also do the trick nicely.
If you are not sure, you could ask someone’s advice. Either a girl friend you trust or a guy friend whose style you would like to emulate.
Finally, see if you can add an accessory or two. Without going overboard, of course. A nice pair of shades and a fashionable watch will suffice.
If this is a brand-new style for you, it might feel a little awkward at first. The best way to get over it is to practice wearing the same clothes in public whenever possible. That way, when you really want to catch a girl’s attention, you will already be comfortable, which she will definitely notice.
This may be easier said than done.
When guys are attracted to a girl, oftentimes, they start treating her differently. Doing favors for her they wouldn’t normally grant other people, or showing off to try and get her attention.
If she is used to receiving a lot of male attention, this will get old fast.
Put yourself in her shoes: if every time you received a kindness, it was because someone wanted to date you, how would that affect your relationships? Your friendships?
Knowing this has a major implication for you, too.
The first one is that if you shower this girl with your attention and devotion, hoping to get her affection in return, it might not work. In fact, she might balk as soon as she gets a hunch that you are only being kind to get closer to her romantically and tell you that you are “just a friend” just to get you to back off.
The second implication is that you – and her – might have more to gain if you treat her normally.
Not falling over to help her even if she hasn’t asked.
Not shying away because you don’t know what to say and want to avoid looking stupid.
Treat her like you treat your friends. For girls who are used to having their guy friends hit on them all the time, this might be quite refreshing. On top of that, because it is unusual, this might pique her curiosity just enough to wonder what’s different about you. Why are you not trying to flirt with her?
Maybe it’s because you are a guy worth chasing!
Your friends are a good benchmark for how to treat a girl you like.
That last point is key.
If you are about to do something for a girl, ask yourself if you would behave the same way around your friends. It could be anything, like helping her with an assignment or teasing her for something funny she said. Double-check with yourself if you are only doing that because she is cute, or if this is true to who you are.
This also gives you some flexibility to adjust your behavior depending on the other person.
Whether it is about physical contact, the way you make fun of each other, or the way you talk, you probably behave differently around different friends.
As you get to know a girl, you can adjust how you treat her.
A lot of guys seem afraid to tease a girl they like, even respectfully. They walk on eggshells because they don’t want to do or say anything that might upset her and push her away.
The thing is, if you don’t act like a jerk, teasing and joking around are great ways to flirt with a girl. It often makes her feel more comfortable because you are clearly having a good time and not only trying to impress her.
And sometimes, it will make her chase you.
If you are texting with a girl and she stops responding, what do you usually do?
Do you start looking impatiently at your phone, forever hoping to hear the text notification letting you know she responded?
If you do, that’s all right. A ton of guys are in the same boat. Anxiety-inducing texting games are not great for your quality of life, but they are not the end of the world either.
The issues come when you grow too impatient. You start thinking “Well, it’s been almost two days. Maybe it’s okay to text her again now.” And to be fair, texting her twice in a row might get her to respond.
However, by doing so, you put yourself squarely in the position of the “chaser”. You will not get her to chase you if you are the one doing the chasing.
What’s more, it sets the scene for your future interactions too!
Next time you text her, she might not feel any urgency to return your messages. Why would she? She knows you will be waiting for her anyways, and probably text her again soon.
To counter that, the best thing to do when she ignores your texts is to just stop contacting her.
Granted, this is not easy to do.
You might sit there, wondering why she didn’t even take the time to reply. If you are missing your chance by not pursuing her strongly enough.
But you might also make her curious about you. She might get curious about what you are doing, if you stop texting her, maybe it’s because your life is so exciting that you don’t even have time for her.
It might take a while, but if you manage to intrigue her enough, next time, she will be the one initiating contact with you.
Of course, that strategy of not texting her all the time and doing your own thing only works if you actually live an interesting life.
If you just ignore her for the sake of ignoring her, and don’t seem to be doing anything interesting either, she might simply not care enough to contact you and see what you are up to. Or worse, she might simply forget about you.
On the other hand, if you seem genuinely happy with your life, meeting interesting people and working on cool hobbies and interests, you will get her attention.
Now, this doesn’t mean that you have to get way out of your comfort zone.
It means finding people, and things, you are into and expanding from there.
For instance, going to big parties that last all night might feel uncomfortable as an introvert. But you can still make new friends who share similar hobbies and interests. Likewise, if you are not a big fan of group activities, solo activities like hiking, skiing, or swimming might help you get out of your shell.
Expanding your social circle and interests can have positive impacts on your dating life. But two really stand out:
The advantage of feeling good and confident in your day-to-day life is undeniable. Knowing that you can be happy and fulfilled even when you are single will keep you from getting attached to co-dependent relationships out of fear of being alone.
Your confidence will speak for you in a way that words cannot.
But more than that, it is a big turn-on for women. Most women will chase a guy who is confident and whose life they would like to share. Confidence is simply attractive.
So, do your best to become that man.
You will not be surprised to hear that relationships are complex.
As such, there is more to dating someone than simply catching her attention and getting her interest.
You have to work on your interpersonal skills too: learn how to have a good conversation with her, how to keep her interested throughout your date, and how to build rapport with a girl to get closer to her.
You also need to know how to use distance effectively, through touch, compliments, and texting.
All these are skills that can be learned and polished with practice.
However, they all start with getting a girl interested in you first. The skills in this article will lay the foundation for the rest of your interactions. Mastering these basics will allow you to connect with girls, without the need for any manipulation tactics – which never work anyways, at least not if your goal is to build a genuine, real, and authentic relationship with a woman.
The common point that could sum them all is this: start by working on yourself. Clean up your appearance, grow into a more confident man, change your attitude and start believing in yourself more. Treat yourself with care, attention, and respect. You can only love your girlfriend if you love yourself first.
As your personal life and outlook improves, so does your dating life.
And in the end, both will benefit you. Go ahead, it is so worth it!