Posted by Pascal on September 10, 2020 at 9:01
Getting a girl’s number is no small feat. It means things went well enough in your interactions with her that she agreed to keep in touch via text. In doing so, she left a door open for you to keep flirting with her. And that’s a good sign.
However, it’s only the beginning. Knowing what to text a girl after getting her number is crucial if you want to keep things going.
Try to play it too cool and she might get bored. Come on too strong and she might lose interest. As with most things in life, texting a girl for the first time is all about finding the right balance.
Lucky for you, we have compiled everything you need to know about the topic in this ultimate guide. From how to start texting a girl to what to text her, here is how you can get the best results.
Movies can be confusing. Every once in a while, a character in a rom-com will expertly tell the audience that they should wait three days before texting someone.
But have you ever seen a real-life scenario where this was even remotely true? The whole world is connected 24/7. You would have to be living a truly extraordinary life not to be able to send a quick text.
If you wait too many days before texting a girl, she’ll think of two reasons for that:
The three-day rule might have been true in the past, but it’s time you ditch it. Instead, try texting her as soon as you feel like texting.
In fact, the sooner the better.
Sure, if you have things to do first, do them. No need to be texting during a Zoom meeting. But after that, go right ahead and send that first text.
By texting her sooner rather than later, you are projecting confidence. Women like confident men, but that’s not the only reason it is a good idea send your first message right away.
For one, it will also be easier for you. You won’t spend days debating what to send. If you wait several days before sending your first message, that message better be darn near perfect. But spending hours creating the perfect message seems like a waste of time when you could have just sent her a few texts two days ago.
The other reason you should try texting a girl you like right away is respect. If she likes you enough to give you her number, it shouldn’t matter how long you waited before texting her. Playing games won’t earn you any favors. Instead, she might start to wonder why you are ignoring her or if you are even interested in her. She might worry what you are doing and whether you are reliable. Are you someone she’d get along with, if you are too busy to text her? Probably not.
These are negative emotions and not the right foot you’d hope to start a new relationship on. So, by not acting too cool to text her, you avoid putting these emotions in her head.
In short, there is no reason to wait before texting a girl you like.
Also, don’t take dating advice from the movies.
In line with not waiting too long to send it, your first text to a girl should be simple. Keep things uncomplicated, light, and straightforward.
With your first text, you are trying to keep a line of communication open. It doesn’t have to amaze or dazzle the girl you are texting. In fact, the more casual of a text you send, the better off you might be.
To start with, it won’t be so hard on you. You won’t have to spend time crafting the wittiest joke on the planet nor try to make her fall in love with your elegant writing style and unparalleled sense of lyricism.
On top of that, it will make it easier for her to respond to your text. Plus, you will look more confident in her eyes.
Long, thoughtful, overwrought messages seem too pushy, too eager, too serious. She might think you are already ready to jump into a serious relationship when in reality you barely know each other. In other words, she might consider that you are on such different levels that she’d rather move on to someone more “in tune” with how she feels.
So keep your first message simple, lighthearted, and fun. Add in some emojis if you usually use them. Heck, you could even send only emojis. The less you worry about it, the better you will do.
Once you successfully get the conversation going with a girl you like, you need to keep it alive. But you should never chit chat just for the sake of chatting. That’s what your friends are for. If you are interested in dating this girl, you want to meet her in real life. And that’s where your conversation should lead.
Don’t worry, it’s easier than it sounds. In fact, there are clear rules you can follow:
The more you manage to make your interactions fun and relaxed, the more she will start to view you as a fun and relaxed guy. Someone she’d like to spend time with!
Just like in real life, a bit of banter is a great way to keep conversations fun and entertaining. A joke here and there lightens the mood and can even allow you to flirt without coming on too strong.
Reminding her of a good time or something you have in common is a great way to connect with a girl. It will also put her in a good state of mind and help her get excited about the conversation.
Once the conversation gets going at a good pace and she seems to respond positively to your messages, it’s time to make plans to meet. Don’t wait until the conversation dies down. Strike while the iron’s hot.
If she agrees to hang out with you, the next few texts should be focused on the logistics. Figure out the time, place, who’s picking up whom… you know, so you don’t have to frantically text an hour before your date to decide all that.
This is more a rule to avoid finishing a conversation on pure logistics. You want to leave a good impression in her mind. So, any text you send between now and your date needs to be playful, fun, and if possible, a bit flirty. Make her look forward to seeing you!
Once you’ve sent your text message, forget about it.
Don’t keep looking at your screen hoping to see a notification. Don’t spend your time wondering why she isn’t responding to you. And for the love of everything holy, don’t double-text.
As soon as you start overthinking things, they get complicated. Plus, your time shouldn’t be spent biting your nails hoping for a reply. Put your phone away and go live a little.
Now, you know the basic rules of the art of texting. But when you learn how to talk to a girl you like over text, there is something missing: Three types of texts that are not included in the previous rules. Because they are texts you should not send when texting a girl.
They are very easy to remember.
One: Avoid small, random chatter that leads nowhere. Texting that you just ate a banana or that you are bored at home adds very little to your conversation.
Two and three: Qualifying questions and “getting to know you” questions are best saved for face-to-face interactions. It is very hard getting that information through text and no one wants to type their life story on a cellphone screen.
If you cold-asked 100 girls out over text, you’d probably get turned down most of the time. Striking out is very much expected here.
What really matters is how and why a girl turned you down.
No matter what reason she gives you for refusing your offer, if she suggests doing something else, or offers another day that works better for her, you are not being rejected. It will look something like this: “Oh sorry, I’m busy this week but I should have more free time next week.”
Because of the last sentence, she is leaving the door open for you to ask her out again.
If, however, that second part is completely missing, or if she turns you down repeatedly, it’s time to move on. She might not be serious about dating, or her schedule might not even allow her to see you.
You would fare better saving your energy and mental resources finding a girl who really wants to date you.
While getting ignored is usually not the best news, it shouldn’t be a cause for despair either. Sometimes a girl will leave your message on “read” because she got distracted by something else. Other times she really was planning to get back to you when it was convenient but simply forgot. Stuff like that is normal.
When that happens, whatever you do, resist the urge to send another message. That makes you look needy and insecure. If she is interested, no matter how long it takes, she will get back to you. Sending her text after text with no response, however, is a surefire way to make sure she doesn’t.
Really though, especially with dating apps, women receive so many messages that it can be a bit of a hassle to get back to everyone. Just know that this is the norm and usually has nothing to do with you.
So, don’t let a lack of messages get you down. Instead, take it as an opportunity to move on and do interesting things with your time.
What if you really had a big crush on that girl and can’t seem to get over it?
If that’s your case, as a last-ditch effort, you can always wait a few days or weeks and then start texting again. Do it as if nothing ever happened. Send a new “first text” to that girl. Something fun. If you follow the 7 rules of texting in this article, you might have a shot. Just make sure enough time has passed after your last text, though.
Even if you had a great in-person interaction and “vibed” well with a girl, texting is a whole different ballgame.
When a girl reads your text messages, she has more time to pause and consider what you say. It feels more intimate. You don’t want her to go: “Hold on, why did I even gave this guy my number?” which might happen if your texting game is a bit off.
So, avoid texting the same way you would talk in real life. Texting a girl has a different set of rules.
Here is how you can get her excited to go on a date with you:
Venting to a girl about your annoying co-worker or the fight you just had with your neighbor might feel good, but it’s certainly not what she’d like to hear. How is she even supposed to respond?
Likewise, she probably doesn’t need to know that you had a boring day, a long commute, or suffered through fastidious meeting.
If you complain too much in your texts, pretty soon you’ll be labeled as a “complainer” in her mind. And no one wants to date someone like that.
Be someone who brings her up. Not down. Someone who makes her laugh or relaxed and whom she looks forward to chatting with after a long day.
Remember the 7 rules of texting. If you can’t think of anything fun to text her, stop texting. Call a friend or family member and vent to them. You can always come back to your phone later, when you are in the right mood.
Sure, it means you will make her wait, but it’s a great deal better than texting when you are not in the right mood.
No matter which way the conversation is headed, do your best to keep it playful and engaging. Texting is not ideal for serious, drawn out conversations.
Questions like “What are you up to?” and “How was your day?” may seem innocuous, but they trip up a lot of guys whose answers are too straightforward and, well, dry.
When a girl sends you this kind of text, she is probably looking for some distraction. Something fun to relieve her from boredom. So, the ball is in your court to offer her just that.
By responding with a jokey and teasing tone, you can be a source of fun cutting through the routine and the mundane.
In fact, the less you take these conversations seriously, the more she will be curious about you, interested in knowing more and looking forward to seeing your name on her screen.
This approach also has the added bonus that she will never feel pressured or trapped into chatting with you.
Once again, texting is not meant for never-ending conversations that lead to dead ends. If you’ve already ran out of conversation topics over text, what point would there be to go on a date? Leave some room for excitement and mystery.
When you spot signs that a girl is into you, take the initiative. Ask her out before she loses interest!
Here are some signs that she is into you:
When you notice these signs, it is time to TAKE ACTION. Plan the date. The longer you wait past this point, the more she risks seeing you as lacking confidence or interest and disqualify you as a potential partner.
As with anything in life, conversations must end. No matter how much you enjoy texting a girl, this activity has a shelf-life.
But it doesn’t mean you should just wing it and let conversations peter out on their own. People often judge a whole interaction by how it ended. You don’t want that to be an awkward conversation that she felt pressured to slog through out of courtesy.
Be sure, then, to end the texting on your own terms.
Not only will that make you look less needy, it will allow you to lead the interaction. You can start texting again later if you feel like it, since you won’t be the first and last person to text.
On top of that, you will remain a bit mysterious and that should keep you out of the friend zone.
When you show her that you have other things going on, you are subtly conveying that you are a man in demand. She will feel less pressured into interacting with you, but also more curious to know who you are. More excited to meet you. To be a part of your exciting life.
Dare we say, more excited to date you?