Posted by Pascal on March 26, 2020 at 8:41
Relationships tend to mirror life in many ways. Busy periods of frantic activity and emotions precede more quiet and introspective times. A rush of excitement often accompanies the beginnings of a new relationship. After that, we often relax a little bit and tend to settle in a comfort zone, a routine. This is where we can enjoy cuddling at home instead of going on fancy dates. Or read a book next to each other in a calming silence.
If you made it this far in your relationship, congratulations! This time is perfect to enjoy your significant other’s company and get more comfortable around them. Maybe slow the pace of your relationship a little.
But what if you were the only one enjoying this relative lull? You’d probably want to know if this ebbing of emotions was, in fact, boring your partner. To help you do that, here are some signs your partner thinks your relationship is boring, and some ideas on how to change that before you run into trouble.
When you start a new relationship, both your partner and you should keep seeing your respective friends. And people maintain healthy relationships by carving out some alone time as well.
You intuitively know, however, that if you can’t seem to get a hold of your partner anymore, something’s up. Them spending a lot more time with their friends doesn’t always mean they are bored when they are with you, but it warrants digging a bit deeper.
If you notice that they seem less interested in the things you used to love doing together, it could be a sign your partner is getting bored.
Perhaps they no longer find those activities exciting. In that case, it’s only a matter of finding things they do enjoy.
But it could also be the expression of a deeper-rooted boredom or general dissatisfaction. If they’ve enjoyed game night at the local bar since your very first date but suddenly show a lack of interest in it, maybe the spark is fading. This takes more time to change but, at some point, you’ll have to address it.
Even people in the most serious relationships fight once in a while. With all the feelings involved, the different points of view and opinions, or the stressors in our daily life, it would be weird otherwise.
But when the fighting becomes very frequent, it certainly raises a red flag.
Has anything changed recently? You can often explain an increase in conflict. It is more likely to happen if your partner is stressed at work or tired because of a new commute for example.
If you’ve looked at all the possible explanations, though, and nothing came up, it could mean your partner thinks your relationship is boring. They haven’t fully grasped and clarified it yet, but their constant bickering could be fueled by boredom.
It is frustrating not knowing what is wrong with absolute certainty. They need to externalize this frustration. And their fighting with you is how their dissatisfaction comes to the surface.
It would be easy if they straight up told you they were bored. But oftentimes, they only have this uneasy feeling and no words to clearly put on it.
But if you know what to look out for, you can pick up a lot of hints that your partner thinks your relationship is getting stale.
Listen to what they say. It could be: “We always go to this restaurant. I’m tired of it,” “I miss going to the movies,” “We should try that bar sometime,” or even “I wish we’d go out more often.”
If you hear your partner say something along those lines, consider yourself lucky. Sure, they might think your relationship is a bit boring right now; yet at the same time, they are giving you the solution to fix it.
In a healthy relationship, your partner cares about you. And they show that by asking questions about your day, your plans for the weekend, and what’s new in your life. They also put some effort in their appearance and manners.
When a relationship is getting stale, they might stop doing all of that. It is a hard realization to have, but your partner may be bored by the things you tell them. And so, they stop listening to you.
Instead of them asking you how your day was, they could be glued to their phone. They might sigh and raise their shoulders when you ask them if they want to do something together.
Every time you notice that, a small red flag should go up in your head.
None of these signs alone is a definite indication that your relationship is doomed.
The picture they start to paint, however, becomes more evident as you keep adding them together: your partner thinks your relationship is boring.
Yet it still does not mean that you should give up on your relationship.
People, and relationships, change over time. What was once exciting and fresh can become dull and routine. The key to breaking this pattern is to get the relationship out of the rut that time has dug. To unmoor it from the safety of repetition and get yourself and your partner out of your comfort zone.
It might take a few tries to get your partner interested in trying new things, but just like starting a lawnmower, it will eventually reignite the passion that they once had.
You don’t even need to invoke grand gestures and trips to the other side of the world. Something as simple as cooking them a meal, giving them a compliment, or sending them a lovely text message can work. Any gesture, if it’s unexpected, can revive the flames of your relationship.
And above all, keep the conversation going. Staying up to date on your partner’s life, their worries, or new friends, can help you grow closer. Having these deep conversations regularly with your partner is a proven way to develop intimacy and form a stronger, more satisfying, and longer lasting bond.