Posted by Pascal on March 19, 2020 at 8:46
Burgeoning relationships are often full of new emotions, hope for the future, and excitement. This rush of passion can lead to us making big decisions for our relationship. From being intimate to meeting each other’s parents, we seemingly want to do everything as fast as possible.
Yet in the midst of these thrilling first few weeks, it can be easy to lose yourself so completely in your budding relationship that it becomes difficult to assess it objectively. Is this the real deal, something worth all this time and energy you are investing in it? Or is it going to fizzle out just as quickly as it started?
To evaluate the odds of a relationship succeeding in the long term, looking at how fast things are moving is a good metric. It turns out that taking things slow might be better than rushing headfirst into all the usual relationship milestones: sex, moving in together, marriage, and children.
But how do you know if the pace of your relationship is right?
There are, thankfully, several ways you can tell if your relationship is moving too fast. Here are 5:
You might see yourself making big commitments with your partner. Signing an apartment lease together or getting engaged are common relationship milestones. Especially when things are going well.
But if you and your partner make all these decisions without talking about each other’s vision for the future, your hopes, your religious views, or even your current financial situation, you run the risk of waking up one day realizing that your relationship is not what you hoped it would be.
In the first few stages of a relationship, you need time to adjust, accept, and adapt to your partner’s vision for the future. And it gives them the opportunity to do the same thing.
Skipping this crucial step exposes you to some big disappointments in the future. If these important issues blindside you later on, your relationship or even marriage might not survive it.
At first, it might seem like you just can’t get enough of each other. You want to tell them about your day, hear their voice, or plan for your next memorable date.
And while this is great and somewhat expected, there is a difference between checking in because you want to, and doing so because you feel that you have to.
So, listen to your gut. Do you stay on the phone and constantly update your new partner because you feel you would disappoint them otherwise? Maybe things are moving too fast for your taste. Or you are dating the wrong person for you. If something feels a bit off, it certainly is worth exploring that possibility.
If you would feel more comfortable by spacing out contact more and having some time to yourself and your friends, maybe you need to slow things down a bit.
In the beginning, we tend to idealize our relationship and gloss over our partner’s quirks and irritating habits.
Admittedly, serious relationships require some level of compromise. But crucial divisions in your value systems and views on life should be addressed before pushing for more intimacy and moving the relationship forward.
Furthermore, everybody brings a lifetime of experiences to their relationship. This means that your views on household chores, parenting, family, etc. are bound to differ at least a little bit. If you find no differences between your values and your partner’s, maybe one of you is compromising just to keep things moving.
But you can’t compromise forever. So, before making any big commitments, it might be worthwhile to lift your foot off the accelerator. At least until you figure out each other’s non-negotiables and whether they will create conflict further down the line.
Most people will understand that you have less time for them, now that you have your significant other to spend your days with.
But your new relationship should not spell the end of every one of your friendships. And if you find yourself putting your friends on the back burner, ask yourself why.
Maybe you know they would disapprove of the big decisions you are making. And you don’t want to hear them tell you that your relationship is moving too fast.
But there could be some value in listening to them. Sometimes you are too close to the situation to properly assess it. Your friends can offer you some vital advice on the pace of your relationship. They know who you really are and have some perspective on your behavior and actions after all.
If you make big commitments before going through any tough times with your partner, it could be a sign your relationship is moving too fast.
It’s easy for someone to make a good impression when everything is light and fun. But is your new romance someone you can count on when you really need them? How do they handle stressful situations, medical emergencies, disappointment, passive-aggressive people, or even driving during rush hour?
Making key decisions for your relationship before seeing every aspect of your new lover’s personality can spell big trouble for your future together.
In other words, take the time to properly vet your partner’s emotional intelligence. You can develop a stronger bond if you know what to expect for the future and learn how to recover from disagreements and fights.
Before ending this, it is important to note that there is no set date by which you should expect to see seen all these signs. It’s less about having a timeline than what you do and learn during that time.
Some relationships do move faster than others without being doomed. As long as you both feel comfortable with the pace and don’t overlook some of these big signs your relationship is moving too fast, you are doing good.
Relationships should evolve at a healthy pace that feels right to both partners. Not just the pace set by the one who wants to commit more seriously. If you feel that things are moving too fast, it might be valuable to take a breather and understand why that is.
Breakneck speeds put your relationship in jeopardy. Going from 0 to 100 can make one of the lovers uncomfortable and a bit scared by too much commitment.
Taking your time, not just for the sake of slowing things down but to make sure you know each other, can help to build a stronger, sturdier relationship. Not only because you’ll have time to get used to your partner’s peculiarities, but because you can have time to properly understand each other.
And with the benefits of long-term relationships, this might well be worth it.