Posted by Pascal on September 24, 2019 at 8:45
Joining an online dating site is exciting. Dating, in general, is fun. You get to meet new people, go on enjoyable dates, and learn a bit about yourself in the meantime. And at the end of this process, most people hope to develop a meaningful relationship with someone.
But making the transition from casual dating to a serious relationship is a big step. How do you know when you are ready to take it? What are the signs you are should go for this?
There are, it turns out, many clues if you know how to recognize them. Some are quite tangible and even measurable. Other indicators less so, but you’ll see them if you are honest about yourself and how you feel. And of course, you’ll need to consider the other person too.
Where you are matters. Not in a geographical, physical way, but where you are in life.
This is not always easy to define or put into words, but still very perceptible, nonetheless.
You’ll begin to notice you are ready for something serious when casual dating doesn’t seem to work for you anymore. You won’t have the same excitement at the idea of meeting someone new, going out with strangers, and flirting the night away. “Tired of the game” is the expression you’ll hear to describe this point in your life. However, you may not be tired of dating per se. Rather, you could just be tired of being single; and ready for coupling up.
Ironically, being single won’t scare you either. You’ll be fine with it. In fact, you’ll be experiencing a generally relaxed and positive state of mind. Happy with your situation, satisfied with where you are in life, comfortable with who you are. Being content in your own skin means you’ll have excess attention and love to give to your new partner. The best way to be open to them is to be in a good emotional place yourself.
Finally, you’ll also be at peace with your past. You’ll be over your ex. Over your previous failed relationships. You’ll be able to forgive yourself for your past mistakes. It could take you a while, but when it happens, you’ll know. If you want to get into a serious relationship, you’ll need to look to the future, not your past.
There’s also some more concrete evidence that you are ready to settle down and share your life with someone.
Things you can measure.
Time, for example, is one of those. Free time, in particular. Having free time allows you to share significant moments with your significant other, to get to know them. If your schedule is too busy, your relationship will have a difficult time flourishing. You couldn’t work on it when needed.
There is also your financial stability. Of course, relationships don’t have to be a drain on your finances. But they do require a few efforts. If you are too worried about paying rent, you won’t have enough space in your life to work on your relationship. It could fizzle out. But if you are financially stable enough that you can focus on your partner, and do it long term, you can consider getting into a stable relationship with them.
All this boils down to timing. You could be working 80-hour weeks, need to focus on your health, or your family. Or maybe you haven’t gotten everything you wanted out of singlehood yet. If that is your case, perhaps you should wait. On the other hand, if you can devote your attention and energy to a new relationship, the timing might be right. So, evaluate that. Honestly.
And while you do, also evaluate what you really want. Again, be honest. What are your interests? What do you want in a partner? Is your romantic interest compatible with your lifestyle and ambitions? Speaking of ambitions, you should also define your long-term plans. If you want to share your future with someone, you should at least have a vague idea of what it will look like.
If all these check out, you could very well be ready for a long-term relationship. There’s just one more thing you should think about…
And what you are willing to do for them.
Getting into a monogamous relationship with one person means your lives will become entwined. If thinking about this gives you cold sweats, maybe casual dating is better for you right now.
In contrast, if you want to stay with them long term, some signs are massive green lights.
Like the ability to compromise, for example. Yes, you should love yourself first. But being willing to have their interest in mind – when the situation calls for it – indicates your maturity. Just like an aptitude to let the small things slide. Sure, no one is perfect, but being ready to make an effort helps.
Of course, you’ll know you’re ready when you can look past their beauty and charisma. Being physically attracted to someone is only the first step to a relationship. They also must be interesting and compatible with you.
And not a rebound.
Building a relationship with someone just to forget your previous one is generally not a recipe for success. If you are in this situation, first try to get over your ex.
Equally, you should not look to be saved. Your happiness should come from you, not from someone else. Don’t put this sort of pressure on the other person. At least not if you are looking for a serious, honest, long-term relationship. In fact, start with no expectations at all. The lower your expectations, the more likely they are to surprise you. In a good way.
Try to have this frame of mind towards your potential partner. It will give you strong foundations upon which you can build a beautiful relationship. It needs, however, to start with you. You could have all these indications you are ready to find a long-term partner. The confidence, the self-awareness, the maturity, the happiness, the availability, the openness… And a relationship still might not be right for you.
On the other hand, if you see these signs, and feel ready, go for it! When you are getting into a relationship for the right reasons and with the right intentions, good things can happen. Let them happen to you.