Posted by Pascal on February 2, 2022 at 15:00
Is there anything more frustrating than being ignored by your girlfriend and not knowing how to talk to her, or even why she is not talking to you?
If there is, it must be something really, really frustrating indeed.
Yet, it happens all the time. Even in relationships that seem to be going well.
Just because your girlfriend is great at communicating in general does not mean she will never ignore you. And it is painful when someone you are close to shuts you out. Especially if you are not sure what is going on. Your mind might start racing with all the worst-case scenarios.
Fortunately, though, in most cases, it is not the end of the world for you… even if sometimes it is the end of your relationship, unfortunately.
You often can guess what is bothering your girlfriend enough for her to stop talking to you.
Not only that, but there are ways you can get a dialogue going again even if your girlfriend won’t talk to you.
Of course, no one knows your girlfriend as well as you do.
But if she is still not responding to your attempts to reconnect, the following strategies might be worth a shot.
In theory, there could be an endless amount of reasons why a girl you are dating suddenly stops talking to you: There was a fight, she is busy, you are too pushy, she loves you but needs some time alone… the list could go on for a while.
In practice, the reasons why she won’t talk to you are the same for most women.
If you were to take a survey of a hundred girls who stopped talking to their boyfriend, most explanations would sound pretty similar.
Here are the top five:
This is pretty much the worst situation to be in, so let’s get it out of the way first.
There are times when a relationship is over and only one person knows it. Here, that person is you, and your girlfriend has already dumped you or moved on to be with someone else.
Now, why is your girlfriend ignoring you instead of, you know, just sitting down and letting you know what is going on?
There could be several reasons. For example:
Other reasons why your girlfriend is ignoring you might include:
In all these situations, this is a rather disrespectful way to handle things on her part. You deserve better.
When you are ready to move on, make sure to check out dating websites like Vidamora, where you could meet thousands of single women who would not completely ignore you like that.
Your girlfriend does not feel like you listen to her.
Maybe she has tried to raise her concerns but felt like it fell on deaf ears. Or she could not even know how to approach a sensitive topic of conversation.
Either way, she felt powerless.
But now that she has gone radio silent, she is sure to get some of that power back.
It is easy to brush aside her requests or refuse to compromise when she says things like: “I would like to spend more time together on the weekends,” or “I wish we could go out more often.” But her silence is deafening.
If you were not paying attention to what she had to say before, you certainly are now.
If you had a huge fight with your girlfriend, where the gloves came off and hurtful things were said, you would not be all that surprised if she did not want to talk to you.
You would expect her to take some time to either:
But what you might not be expecting is that she could be in that exact same headspace right now.
Even if you are not aware of what happened, there could be something that hurt or disappointed her. Maybe you do not think it was a big deal, like forgetting a special date, not praising her enough, or being too honest in your feedback.
All that matters is that for her, this was important.
Reason she won’t talk to you #4 – You are not a priority for her
These days, people seem busier than ever.
Like everyone else, your girlfriend probably has a job to go to, friends, hobbies, family obligations… and only twenty four hours a day to fit all that on her schedule. If you are dating a woman with kids, you know how hard that can be.
So, on she goes with her day.
Your girlfriend decides to focus on her work. By being committed to her professional responsibilities, she could get a promotion.
During her lunch break, she only has time to send a few texts back and forth to her sister Jane.
After work, she has a happy hour drink or two with some friends from college – it was planned months ago.
And so on and so forth.
Where do you fit in all that?
Unfortunately, if she does not even have a minute or two to call you, it means that in her mind, you are at the very bottom of her priorities.
Not a great place to be.
Reason she won’t talk to you #5 – She needs some space
When your girlfriend says she needs some space, it could really go either way:
The first situation is not a good sign, really.
She might be taking her distances to see if she really misses you, as a form of separation trial. If the answer is “no”, she might simply decide to move on without even telling you.
In the second situation, things are looking a bit better.
Maybe it is simply a matter of your relationship moving too fast. Or perhaps she has been so engrossed in your relationship that she needs to take a beat and reconnect with herself. Sort of like even if you really enjoy chocolate, you have to put the box down once in a while to enjoy it more later.
Now that you have a better idea of why your girlfriend isn’t talking to you, you might already have a few ideas of how to respond.
If you need some help planning your next steps, here are some additional ideas:
The idea here is to accomplish three things:
It is not the time to beg, apologize, or make demands of your girlfriend.
Here are some examples of texts you can send when your girlfriend is not responding to your messages without putting any pressure on her:
“Just want to let you know I’m here if you are going through something.”
“It’s been very nice going out with you so far, hopefully we can talk in the future.”
“I wish we could have kept talking but I get it if you need space. It’s been fun though!”
If you have already sent her twenty messages and she has not responded to any of them, what are the odds that she will reply to the twenty first? Maybe she has not called you back because she knows she can talk to you anytime she wants.
Rather than doing the same thing over and over again, take a step back: has it worked? No? Then you need to do the opposite.
In that case, that would be to cease all communications.
Yes, you might feel uneasy about it. It is stressful and anxiety-inducing, but the ball is in her court now. You have the right to feel upset, sad, disappointed… just don’t show it.
From now on, it is up to her to contact you.
Unpleasant as these thoughts may be, there is a real possibility that your girlfriend will not contact you again.
What this means is that any day that you spend waiting for a chance to talk will:
Instead, try to do things that make you happy or that give you a sense of satisfaction. Things that actively improve your life.
Some ideas include: sports, reading, hanging out with friends, meeting new people, or spoiling yourself.
That way, even if she does come back in your life, you will be a more confident, content, and cooler guy to be around.
Bombarding her phone with questions is certainly not the way to go here.
Not only do you run the risk of annoying your girlfriend, but you probably will also not receive any clear answer either.
In her mind, you should already know what you did wrong, or figure it out on your own.
Even if you did nothing wrong, you should be man enough to deal with the situation by yourself and not let it affect you.
Just because you should not show her how devastated you are does not mean you have no right to be sad that your girlfriend won’t talk to you.
There will be days where you will really feel messed up, and not be able to do much.
The first thing an athlete does after an injury is to take some time for recovery. Physical therapy only starts after they have overcome the initial injury.
So just be nice to yourself and vow that tomorrow will be a better day.
This mindset will help you view your life in a better light and allow you to enjoy good days without letting bad days get you down too much.
That way, when your girlfriend is ready to talk, you will be ready too.