Posted by Pascal on December 4, 2020 at 19:45
Why won’t she talk to me?
Like most guys, you’ve probably asked yourself this very question at some point. Whether your ex won’t talk to you or a girl you like is ignoring you, this is never pleasant.
Your instincts might tell you to get in touch with her, to keep channels of communication open at all costs. But is this even the right strategy here, or is it going to be counterproductive? Should you just throw your hands up and move on?
Surely, with such a seemingly ubiquitous problem, we should know what the best course of action is by now, right?
Well, yes and no. There are certainly things you can try to get your ex girlfriend to talk to you, and you can slowly build rapport with a girlfriend who won’t talk to you. However, before you can jump to that stage, you need to understand the reasons why she won’t talk to you.
So, let’s take five minutes to look at what those might be.
In order to know how to respond to a girl who’s ignoring you, you must understand what the possible issues could be.
Does it have something to do with your personality, or is it completely on her end – and out of your control?
Here are 10 of the most common reasons why a girl or your ex won’t talk to you:
All things being equal, looks do matter when it comes to dating.
The good news is that it is something you can work on. Not only that, but it is not even the most important aspect of your dating life. We all remember some guy who was not the most attractive but who was incredibly successful with the ladies.
The main roadblock if she is not attracted to you is simply that she might not go out of her way to talk to you. But that does not disqualify you.
Starting something is harder than simply building on momentum.
We see this in so many areas of life.
Going to the gym is harder than your actual workout, trucks take a long time to gain speed from a stopped start, and the first inch of snow takes a lot longer to accumulate than the second one.
Naturally, human relationships will follow similar patterns.
If you only know a girl in passing, you are not really on her radar yet. Your first few text messages might get ignored or you might feel like she doesn’t want to talk to you.
When you don’t have any rapport built, you should expect to put in more effort to get her to talk to you.
This one tends to trip up a lot of guys who are not really connected to their emotions.
And it could apply to you even if you are an extrovert!
When you are walled off or stressed out, people can pick up on it.
If you try talking to someone when you have negative emotions – whether it is built-up anger, resentment, or fear sabotaging you – she might feel that something is off. And you might not even know it!
When that happens, it is easier for a woman to stop talking to you than to deal with the negative emotions you put out.
Have you ever dealt with a pushy salesperson?
They ask you question after question, hoping to keep you close to them until they can “close the deal”. And whenever you manage to get away for a second, they come back stronger with phone calls and whatnot.
Of course, you know what they are really up to. And the interaction is less than pleasant, to say the least.
When you text a girl as soon as you wake up and always “check in” on her, you are doing the same thing to her. Not only do you risk annoying her, you are also devaluing your worth by giving her all this time and attention.
She can absolutely ignore you all she wants, since she knows you’ll always be there.
That’s another risk you face when you give all your time and attention like that.
Mystery creates excitement, and the more you talk, the less you have of it.
If your girlfriend won’t talk to you, it could mean she has lost some of that thrill. Things may have become routine or stale. Sure, consistency is good, but if there never is anything new, your relationship will quickly lose its spark.
Same thing if she feels she knows everything about you or that you got complacent with yourself.
Everyone’s day lasts 24 hours. No more.
That means that we all have limited time and attention to give to people around us.
Has she stopped responding to your texts? Maybe she felt that you were using too much of her time and needed to distance herself a bit.
She is already interacting with her friends, coworkers, social acquaintances, and family. Maybe she even has a boyfriend!
Are you interesting enough, is your life exciting enough, to compete for her time against all these people?
This is a classic situation, especially after an argument. Sometimes the reason your ex refuses to talk to you is obvious, like harsh words or failing to remember an anniversary.
But if you have been fighting a lot recently, she might not be able to tell you exactly what hurt her.
Unresolved disagreements can accumulate and lead to a general dissatisfaction that is hard to pinpoint. She could be feeling very frustrated and disappointed with your friendship or relationship, yet not be able to tell you how to fix it.
If that happens, maybe the easiest solution for her was to stop talking to you.
Women, especially those who know their value, have some expectations when it comes to dating.
They expect you to act in a mature way, for one.
That means that if you forget to reply to a few texts or arrive late on a date without giving her a heads up, your girlfriend will notice.
Do that often, and she just might stop responding to you. Her time is valuable, and this is her way of showing it.
When you keep pushing an issue on a woman, she might get tired of hearing about it.
So, after the tenth time you ask her to spend more time with you, she won’t want to talk to you anymore. It will be easier for her to ignore you than having yet another heated discussion with you.
The more you push an issue, the more she might grow resentful of the situation. When that happens, she could simply refuse to speak to you.
Another stumbling block for guys is with their ex girlfriend.
In an attempt to keep the door open, or to understand why she decided to break up, some guys will spam her phone. They attempt to win her back and beg her to keep talking to them.
In the end, she shuts the door completely and they end up wondering “Why won’t my ex talk to me?”
Getting ignored by a girl you like is never pleasant.
To avoid this happening, you jump at the slightest opportunity to interact with her. Even if it seems unreasonable to anyone else but you.
She might say something like “I want to go see a movie with my friends, can you give us a lift?” and you’d agree even if you are essentially being used as a free taxi for the night.
By going silent on you, she is making you chase her. And when you are doing the heavy lifting in a relationship, you are not the one in control. She is.
But there is no reason you can’t use a similar tactic to your advantage. Which brings us to…
Here are 5 quick tips on how to react when a woman stops talking to you.
No manipulation or underhanded strategies needed. Just useful, practical actions you can try to re-engage in communication and get your relationship back on track.
Take some time to talk to some friends you trust.
Ask them what they think about you when you talk to them. Do you give off good vibes or are you closed off? And do you act differently when talking to girls?
If you don’t have any solid friends, by the way, try to make new friends. This is good for you.
Their feedback will help you face the truth and get real about what you should do.
If you find out that you need to work on your personality, or that you hurt her and need to apologize, do that.
You won’t be able to get her to talk to you and understand what’s happening if you brush aside the reasons why she won’ talk to you.
If she stopped talking to you because you were too pushy, the logical course of action would be to do the opposite.
Start by spacing out contact. In fact, you can even go dark. No contact at all. Not only will it give her the space she needs, you will stop lowering your value in her eyes. She might even wonder enough about what you are doing that she’ll contact you first.
Stop sending messages and don’t rush in to reply to every text you receive. Live your life a little.
Whether you found out you’d been begging too much, or talking too much, do the opposite.
There are two aspects to rebuilding yourself into an amazing man that will get noticed.
The first is physical: your appearance.
And yes, losing a few pounds and putting on a bit of muscle will always work well. But you can go further than that: a nice haircut and some fashionable clothes can also do wonders.
The second aspect is emotional.
Being in control of your reactions is crucial if you hope your ex, or any girl, will want to speak with you. Especially if she won’t talk to you because of a fight. Learn to not overreact to frustration, even if she says hurtful things or acts immature.
Getting mad or emotional will only help her justify why she stopped talking to you.
If you are not growing as an individual, she might not see herself grow with you.
So, keep exploring new hobbies and expanding your horizons.
If you are always learning cool things, or acquiring knowledge about things that she is into, she will notice. Get her interested enough in what you are doing, and she might just be contacting you to see what you’re up to.
That is basically it.
Distancing yourself from the situation might even help you get some perspective on what is going on. With enough time, waiting for her messages won’t be as agonizing, and you can start rebuilding a more balanced, more normal relationship with her.
Keep working on yourself too. Invest your time and resources into yourself, not into waiting around for her. When she finally contacts you again, you’ll look much more high-worth than what she remembered. That will certainly pique her interest.
And when it comes to texting again, proceed slowly.
You want to build up rapport again, not flood her inbox with dozens of messages. That would overwhelm her. Go gradually, and build up your texting frequency over time.
And whatever happens, act rationally. This is a slow process, so take your time before reacting to anything she says. Cut emotions out of it.
If you do things right, it is absolutely possible to talk to a girl after she ignores you. Heck, she might even be the one who takes the initiative to talk to you!