Posted by Pascal on March 13, 2021 at 14:12
Marriages have ups and downs. Ideally, we wish for things to remain as rosy and perfect as they were during our honeymoon. But the reality of relationships, of life, even, is that they ebb and flow.
Sometimes things get difficult and we can only look back on better times with the woman we married.
Other times, things get really, really tough.
The arguments get vicious, the fighting is constant, and there is no reprieve in sight.
Or worse perhaps is when the fights suddenly stop… along with all communication. And your attempts to reconnect with your wife are only met with indifference and contempt.
If that happens to you, there will almost always be a point where you start to wonder: “I think my wife doesn’t love me anymore.” Heck, you might have that doubt even when things are not that bad.
But it’s important to clarify the situation before stress starts to eat at you. At least you can reassure yourself that your wife does still love you.
And if she doesn’t, then you’ll want to know, if only to address the issue.
Thankfully, you don’t have to rely on pure instinct to get answers. To gain perspective on the situation, you can look for signs your wife has checked out of the marriage. The sooner you evaluate your relationship objectively, the more options you will have to save your marriage, assuming that’s what you want.
As always, the more signs you spot, the steeper the hill you will have to climb.
Dealing with in-laws can be stressful sometimes. Sure, not all family interactions are a pain in the neck. But in any group, there will always be one or two people with whom it is harder to connect.
While it’s easy to ignore an annoying childhood friend or a nosy neighbor, it’s different with family members. At one point or another, you’ll have to interact with them.
And there are probably a few people on your side of the family that get on your wife’s nerves. But to preserve the peace of your marriage, your wife may have done her best to stay cordial with them.
If you notice that she suddenly drops her friendly façade and doesn’t put up with their behavior anymore, something could be going on. And it might concern you and your marriage. It doesn’t always mean your wife is not happy with you anymore, but it certainly seems like she no longer cares about keeping the peace in your marriage.
It may seem like nothing, but the small talk in a relationship can be quite a strong form of bonding.
When your wife feels close to you, she’ll want to tell you everything about her life. How her day went at work, the funny thing she read about, or the latest gossip from her office. It doesn’t matter if it’s trivial or small news, she can’t wait to tell you.
If she starts withdrawing from you, the first thing to go will be the small talk. These seemingly banal conversations that seemed so unimportant and were quickly forgotten.
Maybe she’ll have those with her friends instead.
It may first appear unsignificant, but the reality is that she is pulling away from you, ever so slowly. She doesn’t need you as much.
Unless you had a recent fight that could explain her reluctance to talk with you, this issue should be addressed.
Couples compromise all the time.
When you get married, it is usually a given that you will have to change some habits. You won’t be able to do everything you used to do when you were single.
Maybe you’ll stop going to the pub on weekdays and she won’t go on girls trips to Las Vegas every year. Or maybe you both can still do that but there will be something else you’ll agree to change.
Married people do these small – or big – sacrifices because they want their relationship to succeed.
Which is why, if your wife starts putting herself first all the time, ahead of your marriage, small red flags should start popping up in your head.
Now, there is theoretically nothing wrong with doing what’s best for her. If you can roll with it and be happy, good. However, if it comes at the detriment of your marriage, it is time to have a conversation with her about it. This should make it pretty clear what her real priorities are.
While it is normal to have fights over the course of a relationship, you both need to be mature enough to resolve them.
Reconciliation usually comes with saying “sorry” and moving on. You or your wife can even agree to change your behavior to make sure the fight does not happen again. You can even apologize when you are technically right if you are mature enough to do your part to make your partner happy.
So what does it mean when there is no apology?
Whether she gives you a half-baked, very insincere “ok whatever” or just ignores the issue altogether and pretends nothing happened, it often means one thing:
She. Does. Not. Care.
It doesn’t matter to her how you feel nor if you are happy with the situation or not. Your wife is no longer invested in this marriage and probably unwilling to make things work.
In fact, she may very well feel like she can push your buttons as much as she wants. What’s the worse that can happen if she is already checked out of the relationship?
If it is normal for her to tell you about her day, it is just as natural to ask you about your life.
A woman in love with her husband will be genuinely curious about his schedule, what he is up to, and who his friends are.
If this attention suddenly stops, you could be in trouble. When her focus shifts away from you, that’s probably a sign she is not feeling the same way about you.
A nagging wife might be frustrating, but at least she is still engaging with you. If she ignores you, on the other hand, that spells trouble for your relationship.
Isn’t it great when your wife gets along with your loved ones? You can see them as much as you want, and your wife is happy to come along with you. No need to choose one or the other.
Which is why it’s worrisome if you notice that she is slowly disengaging from them.
It’s not always obvious, either. A skipped family dinner here. A postponed double-date there.
If you see no reason for her to suddenly take a dislike to your friends, maybe it’s not about them. Your wife could be putting distance between herself and your family because she is anticipating something else: that she won’t be seeing them as much in the future… because she is not interested in staying with you.
Fights and arguments are not the best part of a relationship.
Nevertheless, you can often find a resolution and move on to creating happier memories.
One sure sign that your wife has completely lost interest in the marriage, however, is when there is no more fighting all of a sudden. Conflicts are unresolved, so why is everything so calm?
Want to spend the whole night with your mates? Do whatever you want. You have to work late on Valentine’s day? That’s fine with her.
Before, there would have been a fight.
When she seems unbothered by anything, it’s because she is over it. All of it, everything. So, take it as a sign your wife doesn’t feel the same way about your relationship. She no longer has the will to fight to make things better. Which means you might have to, because she no longer cares.
Many relationships never recover from an infidelity. So, if she is willing to jeopardize your marriage for an affair, your wife doesn’t love you like before.
This sort of betrayal will need major adjustments if you want to save your marriage.
But keep in mind that things don’t even have to be physical to hurt you. If your wife is seeking emotional attention and comfort with another man, she is going to drift away from you. That’s inevitable.
While emotional cheating is not as clear-cut as a physical relationship, it will still affect your ability to connect and be intimate with your wife. Try to spot the signs that she is replacing you as early as possible if you want to mitigate the damage. Just know that you will have to act decisively to preserve your marriage; especially if she is attracted to someone else.
When a woman is into you, she will often touch you or seek physical contact with you.
So, if your wife refuses to touch you, you can bet something is up.
She doesn’t even have to recoil when you touch her. Just the fact that she avoids physical contact and never initiates it is a sign in itself: there is no desire.
Start paying attention to that, especially if you want to know whether she still loves you. Does she still cuddle with you or does it look like she simply tolerates you being around her? Is she sitting far apart from you?
You’re not doomed if that’s the case, but you definitely want to start making yourself more attractive to your wife.
When you chose to marry your wife, it was understood that you two would be a team. A team who shares the same values, hopes, and dreams. And who would face challenges together.
You’d stand by her if she got in trouble; and hope that she’d come to your defense even if you made a mistake.
Which is why it’s painful when she hangs you to dry instead.
Perhaps she is taking other people’s side as a way to attack you. Worse still is when she is the one instigating the attacks, making fun of you in front of your friends or embarrassing you in public.
This lack of respect is a clear indicator that your wife’s feelings have changed. Don’t ignore it or brush it under the rug.
Ending a relationship is hard.
Divorce is even harder. It is not something people talk about openly unless things have gone seriously wrong.
Even if your wife wants to leave you, she might not be so direct about it.
But she might let her real intentions slip during fights, out of exasperation. Saying things like: “If you can’t understand this then what are we even doing together?” or “I’d be better off alone, frankly.”
Even if you think her threats are empty, pay attention if you hear them too often. Maybe you’ll have time to improve things before she sits down and calmly tells you: “I’m leaving you.”
The more in love you are with someone, the more of their flaws you tolerate.
Even if you have pet peeves, you are willing to overlook them because your relationship is more important.
As her feelings for you decrease, your wife might not be as willing to put up with your behavior, however.
That’s still fine, though. In a way, she is letting your know about ways you can improve your relationship with her.
But there comes a point where she is no longer willing to tolerate anything. Try as you may, she is always displeased with the way you live. Even your breathing seems to annoy her.
When you just cannot find grace in her eyes, it’s probably time to face an uncomfortable truth about your relationship. Because there is a chance your wife is done with the marriage.
If you are looking for a sign that screams “my wife doesn't love me anymore”, this is it.
Think about her schedule. Does she tell you what she is doing all the time? How much do you know about her friends, her good and bad days, her hopes and dreams?
When your wife does not volunteer any information, it’s because she is compartmentalizing her life. She is your wife on one side… for now. On another other side, she has her own life. And you are not a part of it.
If you were oblivious to this until now, don’t waste any more time. Try to break down that barrier and understand your wife in a loving way. Get to know what she is frustrated about. What she gets excited about. And maybe you can work your way back into her life and affection.
When women feel confident about their relationship, they have no reservations about planning for a future together.
But if your wife is not sure if she will stay with you, she’ll be more hesitant to look to the future.
Why would she make plans if she is not sure you will still be together?
You can quiz her about it directly, if you are not sure. Where does she see herself in two, five, or even ten years?
If she refuses to talk about it, or if none of her dreams for the future seem to include you… well, you’ll have your answer.
Seeing these signs can make you come to a scary realization. Especially if you had no idea your wife was feeling that way.
All is not lost, however.
The first thing you should do is to have a real heart-to-heart with yourself. Do you feel like your relationship is on the rocks? Have you been wanting to call it quits for a while? It may seem like you are in agreement with your wife. Try to work with her to make the separation as amicable as possible.
However, if that’s not what you want, you will need to have a real conversation with your wife.
Where does she stand? Is there anything you can do to change her position?
If you understand why she feels let down by your marriage, and are willing to work on it, then you have a chance. Get some help from a counselor if you need it. And start working to improve your marriage. It might not be an easy process, and you will experience setbacks between each success. Don’t let that discourage you.
If you manage to save your marriage, you’ll also save a trove of good memories, shared experiences, and your relationship with the person who knows you the best.
Your wife loved you before, she can love you again.