Posted by Pascal on December 1, 2021 at 15:32
If you have experienced any kind of human interaction, then you must have also experienced some sort of conflict.
People fight all the time. We fight with our colleagues, we fight with our friends, even with our best friend.
It is hardly a surprise, then, that if you have a girlfriend, you also fight with her from time to time.
Not all conflict is necessarily an all-out war where both parties come out with guns drawn. Sometimes it is a polite disagreement, other times it is more passive-aggressive remarks. No matter the nature of the conflict, however, the result is the same: you have to find ways to make up with your girlfriend if you want to keep a happy dating life.
And to help you do just that, here are our 10 best ways to make up with your girlfriend after a fight.
Imagine that a house is burning. Before thinking about bringing the firehose, the first thing to do is to stop adding fuel to the fire.
It is very much the same with a fight.
Oftentimes conflicts evolve into an irrational confrontation, where neither party acknowledges any wrongdoing and every sentence is said in an accusatory tone. Any rational thought, it seems, has long flown out the window. No one wants to back down and the desire to “win” the fight has become more important than the need to resolve the conflict together.
When both you and your girlfriend are red in the face with anger, you will rarely be able to solve anything.
In fact, the situation is likely to become way worse if you keep it going.
Given such odds, the best thing to do is first to call a time out.
Put some distance between yourself and your girlfriend and give yourselves some time.
This does not mean you should completely stop talking to your girlfriend. Just that it’s okay to keep a conflict unresolved until you both have had a chance to clear your heads and calm down a little bit.
Go lift some weights at the gym. Watch a movie. Take a walk in the park.
And try to not have any serious conversation until you have vented out most of your frustrations.
Whatever helps you evacuate your anger will help you make up with your girlfriend when it is time to talk again.
You and your girlfriend might have different values. Different ways to see the world – and different points of view that led to you two fighting.
You may disagree with her on many things. You have the right to deem her arguments illogical, or that her reasons for being mad at you don’t make much sense.
But her feelings, they are always valid.
Even if her reasons for being angry seem strange to you, her right to be angry remains.
Your girlfriend’s feelings are simply the way she perceives and interacts with the world. It does not matter if it is not true to life and accurate.
This has big implications for you, especially when you are trying to solve conflict with your girlfriend.
Indeed, it means that you can disagree with her completely, be one hundred percent opposed to her perspective, and still acknowledge her right to be upset.
You could even go one step further and try to comfort her and let her know that you understand where she is coming from.
You will have time to discuss whatever is at the source of your friction later.
At first, you might balk at such a suggestion.
Apologizing is not easy:
In all these situations, apologizing to your girlfriend and saying: “I’m sorry” would probably not be the first thing that comes to mind.
Yet, it might be worth it.
First, it takes courage to say sorry. Your girlfriend knows that it is not easy. If she hears you say it, she will most likely appreciate it.
Second, in any conflict, neither party is all innocent nor totally guilty. Sure, you may strongly believe that what your girlfriend did is way worse than what you did, but it does not prevent you from apologizing. “Sorry for overreacting, I’ll just need some time to digest this” is simple, but efficient.
Finally, anytime you say “sorry” first, you take a clear step toward deescalating conflict. It pretty much stops any fight dead in its tracks and encourages your girlfriend to be nice and take a step towards peace.
There are many ways you can tell your girlfriend that you care about her. That no matter what is happening or how much tension there is right now, you still have love and affection for her.
You could say it to her, of course.
But that is easier said than done if you are in the midst of a verbal confrontation. You probably will not feel like saying sweet things to your girlfriend during an argument. The temptation will be more towards defending yourself or criticizing her point.
However, you can turn toward another “language” that does not require you to say anything: physical touch.
Like a hug.
Hugs feel great, they even have health benefits. But above all, they are a quick and very pleasant way to show that, while you may be fighting right now, you want to make up with your girlfriend.
And if hugs seem like too big of a step, you can look for other signs of physical affection: touching her arm, rubbing her shoulder, holding her hand… try to find something that is within your level of comfort.
Aside from saying things out loud and physical touch, there are several other “love languages” you could try.
When it comes to making up with your girlfriend, two spring to mind: acts of service, and gifts.
Gifts, especially if they are well thought of, show that you care about your girlfriend. That you want to make your girlfriend happy. Simply put, they are great way to say: “I know we have had some rough times, and maybe said some harsh things, but I want you to know that you are important to me.”
Whether it is flowers, games, a spa day… the more you know your girlfriend, the more you can tailor your gift to her.
Another “gift” you can give her is to do something nice for your girlfriend.
For example, you could organize, and invite her on a date. Cook your girlfriend a meal. Treat her to a massage, courtesy of yourself.
The bottom line is that there are tons of ways you can move past a fight with your girlfriend, and these do not even require you to talk things out.
To let a wound heal, you sometimes have to stop touching it. If you keep “testing” your ankle, your sprain will never go away.
It’s the same thing for relationships.
If you have tried to talk, to apologize, to give her gifts… and that nothing has worked, there probably is not much you can do to make things better with your girlfriend. If you were to beg, negotiate and make demands, you would probably only annoy her and push her further away.
In that case, the best solution might simply be to give your girlfriend some space.
Let her cool down on her own and get back to you once she feels calmer.
As long as you did not have a major, relationship-destroying fight, she will most likely come back on her own. Only then will she really appreciate your efforts and attention.
You should not be in a competition with your girlfriend.
This is true when things are going well, and it is especially relevant when you are having relationship troubles.
You will not “win” an argument with your girlfriend. If you lose too much time – and connection – arguing, you both lose.
So, remember that you are not fighting against your girlfriend. You are fighting with her, against an issue. What you want is to work with her to find a solution to whatever problems you are having in your relationship.
Of course, it takes two to tango, and she might not have the same point of view.
While this is not ideal, it does not keep you from still going into every conversation with this mindset. Even if only one person is making the effort, it is still much, much better than when nobody does.
When things are going south in a relationship, you often focus on the negative so much that you lose sight of the things that made you fall in love in the first place.
So, why not try to recreate some of that magic from the first months of dating? When everything was new and fun and exciting.
Surprising your girlfriend with a romantic invitation could be a great way to reconnect with her.
You could also take some time to do some of the things you used to love. Whether that was going to the movies, playing board games, trying out exciting restaurants… whatever you do, it will surely bring back some pleasant memories.
Or you could go the opposite route and suggest something you have never done before.
While that would not necessarily bring back specific memories, it will bring back the feeling of trying new things together. You know, the feeling you had when you fell in love.
If you have read between the lines in this article, you may have guessed that rushing things is probably not a good idea.
If you push your girlfriend to have a conversation when she is not ready, you might turn her off. If you try to talk things out when you are still angry, it won’t work out. And if you absolutely demand to resolve all conflicts immediately, you will only keep the arguing and fighting going.
Whatever ideas you decide to try out to make things right with your girlfriend, keep in mind that most disputes will not be solved overnight.
And that is to be expected.
Depending on the severity of the situation, your girlfriend might need some time before coming back towards you. Sometimes, she will not even come back.
That’s okay too. At least, you can give it your best shot.
Finally, the other person who should take all the time they need, is you.
You have just as much right as your girlfriend to take some time to cool down. To consider how things are going.
In other words, you should take time to think about the situation and the outcome you want.
Once you do that work, it will be much easier to make the efforts to get your girlfriend back.
Not only that, but you will have a much clearer picture on how you want to go about it. Use one of these 10 strategies, or create your own if you feel like it gives you a better shot.
No matter what happens, you will be the one in control.
And that, well, that is already a win.