Posted by Pascal on February 2, 2021 at 15:11
When you get along great with a guy, your mind can eventually start to wonder. Are we just friends or is he interested? Do we get along because he is just a friend, or is there something more?
Despite popular belief, a guy won’t always tell you how he feels directly. Sometimes you can miss subtle signs he likes you. And if you are interested in becoming more than friends, these could be useful to know.
But even if you are not attracted to him, it might be good to know where you stand so you can avoid misunderstandings and awkward situations in the future. Here are a few pointers to help you:
Some people love interacting with their friends on social media. So, how do you know if his “likes” and comments are anything more than a platonic gesture?
The first thing you might notice is that he is interacting with everything you post. Almost as soon as you put something out there, he’s already seen it and responded. This is pretty much only possible if he is checking up on you a lot. Similar to what you’d do if you received a notification about your crush, you’d open it right away to see what they’re up to.
The second way you can tell this is more than friendship is the way he reacts to other people’s content. Does he always pop up on his friends’ profiles and Instagram posts? No? He only does that with you? Well, you might have gotten yourself an admirer.
If you know for a fact that he is into someone else, he is probably just looking to stay friends. Especially if he told you about his crush. Or dates other girls. There is no way he would reveal is romantic interests if he was hoping for something more with you.
Unless he is manipulative, but you don’t want that either.
There is a caveat, however. A lot of times we assume a guy likes someone without proof. A furtive glance at another girl or a hug are not evidence that he likes a girl. So, unless you hear it directly from him, don’t misinterpret his friendliness.
Sometimes people like talking one-on-one. Or, depending on how introverted he is, he might not be comfortable in group situations.
But even then, friends still like hanging out in small groups.
If you notice he is jumping at every opportunity to be alone with you, there could be something more. Maybe he is pulling you away from the group to talk one-on-one. So, if he regularly asks you to do things without other people, you could be on a sort of date. Just not officially.
In any case, when a guy wants to spend time with you alone, he is looking for a level of intimacy with you that doesn’t come from group hangouts.
If he wants to be with you, no guy in his right mind would facilitate you dating other people. It simply wouldn’t happen.
So, if he encourages you dating other guys, you can pretty much bet that he just wants to be friends with you.
On the other hand, however, maybe his friends seem to avoid getting too close to you. That could be a hint that they don’t want to step on his shoes. Maybe they know something about his feelings towards you.
Nicknames, whether he sees you as a friend or a potential girlfriend, are a definite sign of affection. So, that’s the good news.
Now, the type of nickname he gives you can give away his real feelings towards you.
When he gives you affectionate names or creates something unique just for you, there could be a romantic interest in it. Those are his attempt to create intimacy and be closer to you.
But if he calls you “sister” or a variation of best friend like “bestie”… well, he is probably not seeing you as a potential partner.
On a similar note, you might have wondered: Do guys say I love you to female friends? And the answer is yes. Sometimes. Just like nicknames, this could go either way, because there is more than one way to love someone.
We all like to keep up with our friends. Catch up once in a while and see what they’ve been up to. Maybe send a text occasionally. But generally, that stops there. We let them live their life.
So, when your guy friend wants to keep up with every detail of your life, it often means that more than friendship is on his mind.
Here is how you are going to know the difference between the two:
If you notice more than one of the signs above, he could very much be into you. If not, then it is debatable.
Jealousy is not always a giant green-eyed monster that’s easily spotted. Sometimes it is subtle.
Nevertheless, if a guy seems completely unaffected when you mention other men, it is because he only sees you as a friend.
Friends will comment positively on your love interests. They will cheer you on when you have a date and encourage you to take steps towards dating your crush. Those kinds of reactions would be extremely difficult to fake if the guy was also interested in you.
Guys are willing to make small efforts and compromises for their friends. Like letting you pick a restaurant or movie.
The key word here is “small”. If you notice he suddenly loves window shopping and romantic comedies when you could swear he hated those before, that’s a sign of something bigger.
If a guy is into you, he will find any excuse to spend time with you. Even going as far as changing facets of his personality match your interests. If that’s your case, you don’t need to test him to see if he cares. He does.
If you’ve looked online, you will often find articles that mention compliments as signs he’s starting to like you.
And while that is true, that is not completely fool proof either.
Sure, some guys will compliment you as a way to be likeable. Also, if they are into you, they think highly of you and perhaps want to let you know.
But really, it is not rare to find guys who compliment their friends. They say nice things to the people around them because compliments make everyone feel good. Maybe that’s your case. And the compliments you are getting, while genuine, are only a sign of their friendship.
On top of that, shy guys can be more comfortable giving compliments to their friends than to someone they like. How ironic.
So, don’t take compliments, or lack thereof, as signs your friend likes you romantically. Nor as signs he only sees you as a friend.
Friend groups are a great way to gauge if a man likes you because other members serve as a reference point. A sort of baseline for how he acts with people he is not interested in.
The first sign he treats you differently is through his body language. Specifically, three things:
And there is another big way a group setting can help you identify a guy who doesn’t just want to stay friends with you: does he try to spend extra time with you? At the end of the night, does he try to stay longer than he would normally? And only leaves when you leave? As long as you’re there, he’s there. That’s a big sign.
Even reserved and shy men will try to flirt once in a while.
If they are interested in pursuing you, that is.
Things can get a little confusing though, and for several reasons.
For one, flirting is not always obvious. When a guy is super extroverted, their attempt to flirt might be drowned out by their exuberant personality. Likewise, if he is very introverted, you might not even notice that they were trying to flirt with you. And then there’s the fact that teasing and joking around – both flirty behaviors – can also happen between friends.
Lucky for you, though, there is a workaround: Texting.
Texting is just different. It rids you of the added “noise” and nervousness associated with face-to-face interactions. No need to read body language or tone of voice. Meaning that guys will more readily let their guard down when texting a girl. They’ll be braver.
You can even initiate it. Send a flirty text or two and see how they react. If he ignores it completely or things get awkward, back off a bit. He just wants to be friends.
If he responds in kind, however, then it’s game on.
Some guys like to be helpful. It’s in their nature.
But there is a difference between being supportive and falling over oneself for the chance to help you. If your man is always asking to help, there could be something more going on. Rare are the people who seem genuinely happy to help you move apartments, pull an all-nighter to finish a project, or fix your car for free.
If you notice he seems awfully eager to help, maybe that’s because he is hoping to impress you. Maybe he finds that lending a hand is the perfect opportunity to spend time around you.
Plus, he could also be showing you how useful he could be to keep around. You know, in case you’d consider him as potential boyfriend material.
Guys don’t generally keep tabs on their friends the way they do with potential love interests.
It would be too hard to try and follow everything that everyone is doing, all the time. So, when it comes to friendships, he might just stick to the most important stuff, enough to give him a broad idea of your life.
Which means that if your conversations never really go past the small talk and general life updates, he might not be looking for much more than just being friends.
If he was interested in more than just friendship, he would want to know everything. When you mention a new colleague at work, he has a ton of follow-up questions. Who’s that new guy? Do you like him? He needs to check if he is competition for him.
But if he just brushes off that sort of news, then he only sees you as a friend.
Emphasis on the “might”.
Most guys, well, decent guys at the very least, will respect and value your opinion as a person. Just because he seems to behave in a way that you would approve of isn’t always a sign a man likes you romantically. Maybe he just holds you in high esteem and trusts you. Which is pretty good in itself.
Unless, of course, you want more than that.
Fortunately, there are some clues to help you tell he likes you more than a friend.
Like, for instance, if he always asks for your opinion specifically. And no one else’s. Or if, in a group setting, he always seems to follow what you have to say.
Another hint is when he comes to you for advice. Especially on things that would make him more attractive or desirable, such as fashion choices, or what classes you recommend at school. If he’s listening to what you think makes him a better person, maybe he is just trying to be better for you.
So, you’ve paid close attention to what he is doing and how he is behaving around you. And your initial intuition is confirmed: it does seem like he wants to be more than friends.
The first thing you should focus on is to know what you want. If you’ve got that figured out, congratulations. But sometimes, the answer is not as evident as you would hope. There is the fear of ruining a good friendship at the back of your mind. Or the risk of hurting his feelings. Not to mention the possibility of missing out on a great relationship, or even getting hurt yourself.
So, do you want to be more than friends?
When people think you are a couple, what is your initial reaction? Do you feel awkward and embarrassed, or proud and flattered? That could give you a hint about your real feelings.
If you think preserving the friendship is more important to you, there is no need to act. However, you should really try to avoid leading him on. Remove ambiguous behaviors and treat him like your other friends. That should be enough, unless he starts flirting or asks you out, in which case you can be more direct.
On the other hand, if you want to go from a friendship to a relationship, proceed with caution. Go slowly. You need to make sure you are on the same page. Again, it might not be worth breaking up a good friendship if you only want something casual or he only wants to be friends with benefits.
If, however, he seems serious about the relationship, and you want the same thing, there is potential for something great: Dating someone you already get along great with!