Posted by Pascal on January 5, 2021 at 20:44
Now comes the tricky part of asking for a second date.
If you’ve already asked her out before, you’d think this should be easier. Well, that’s the theory, at least. But it doesn’t mean this is a trivial matter either.
Getting a second date is crucial to the success of your potential relationship. That is when things start to get a bit more serious, as it confirms a certain level of mutual interest.
So, in this article, we’re going to cover all our bases. From how to ask for a second date, to when you should do it and how much time should pass between your first and second date. Keep reading to find our best tips.
Maybe it’s a little cliché, but it bears repeating: You first date will set up the stage for your future relationship success.
If you have a bad first date, there is no point to even consider setting up a second date. Take it as a sign there will be no second date and move on with your life.
But your first date will be more than just having a good time. It will also give you two key opportunities to get a second date.
The first is an element of discovery. First dates allow you to get to know the girl you are going out with a little better. Through your interactions with her, you can discover a bit about her hobbies and the things that she is into.
All of this is useful information if you want good second date ideas. When you ask her out, she will be much more excited by the idea of doing something she loves. So, make sure you ask her interesting questions that allow you to know what she is into.
And remember her answers!
The second opportunity that a first date gives you is right towards the end.
When you are parting ways, or even a bit before, you can show her that you had a good time with her. Additionally, this is a good time to mention you would like to see her again. Sometime.
Now, a lot of people seem to want to hide the fact that they enjoyed their date. There is no need do that.
While it seems to make sense, on the surface, this is a bad dating strategy. We think that if we don’t show our enthusiasm for someone, we will somehow save face if we get rejected. In fact, we are increasing the odds that we will get turned down. This is actually a sign of our own fear, sabotaging our relationships.
So, if you feel good on your first date, feel free to show it. Besides, what’s the worst that can happen?
Okay, you had an amazing first date, and the feeling seems mutual. You’ve let the girl know that you enjoyed her company. You also told her that you’d like to see her again.
The trick now is to leave it at that.
Yes, planning for your second date right away might seem like a good idea. You know, like striking the iron while it’s hot.
But you should refrain from doing so. And here is why:
If you are too overeager to lock a second date in, it might turn some girls off. They might start to wonder if you have nothing else going on, and if you are a bit too desperate to get with her. In addition, people need a bit of time to cool off between their first and second dates. You know, the same way you’d gladly eat an ice cream now but would need some time before wanting to eat your second one.
So, just say that you’d like to see her again “sometime” or “soon”, that will be enough.
What you say to your date before parting ways should follow four rules:
If you are still unsure of how to go about it, here are some examples:
You get the idea. The main point is that you should customize it to your date and the things you guys talked about.
Alright, you now have laid all this groundwork during your first date. You know what she is into and can start planning what to do next. It’s time to learn how to ask for a second date.
There is a goldilocks zone for when you should ask for a second date.
As we’ve seen, too soon could very well turn her off. It’s a little overly enthusiastic and can come across as being pushy.
Instead, you should really wait a couple of days. Two or three seems to be the general consensus, although you can stretch it an extra day or two if the situation calls for it.
Keep in mind, however, that you should still keep in touch with the girl during this time. These next few days are a perfect opportunity to keep a playful interaction with her through text. Send her a casual message here and there, nothing serious, add in some teasing, some joking around, and remind her how cool of a guy you are and why she should be excited to hang out with you again.
In short, don’t ignore her.
Naturally, the conversation will progress towards making plans for your second date. You’ll notice that maybe she starts responding to your texts a bit more quickly. Or that your interactions are positive.
That’s when you should ask her out on a second date.
Don’t wait too long if you reach this point. You want to avoid the conversation dying down – which will naturally happen if you let it drag on.
When it’s time to confirm your second date with a girl, remember two things:
You don’t want to send her a message the same day asking her to meet you after work. Nor the day before, for that matter.
When you wait until the last minute, she might not see your message in time to meet you even if she wanted to. Plus, she will likely have other plans and you will look disorganized. Unless she strongly hints that this is possible (with a message like: “I have no plans for this weekend, you got anything fun for us to do?”), avoid doing this.
There is no need to slate a date too much in advance.
And for one simple reason: if you confirm your second date too early, many things can – and often, will – happen between now and then. She might get invited to something better, forget, or have a change of heart about seeing you again.
Plus, while you may have interesting things to say, it will be hard to maintain a good interaction without seeing her for such a long time.
In any case, you would have to go through the small talk and confirm the date again two or three days before the actual second date.
Better to only do it once.
If you are following correctly, you calculated two or three days between the end of the first date and the moment you ask for a second date.
Add to that another two to three days to the actual date, and that comes up to… about a week, give or take.
And that works well, as most people will have free time on the same days every week.
So, if you met her a girl for the first time on a Saturday, you should plan to see her again the following week. Anytime between Thursday to Sunday seems reasonable. It’s not too fast that it looks desperate, and soon enough to keep the momentum going and build positively on the first date.
Now comes the most exciting, and for some guys, the most stressful part.
The moment you ask a girl to see her again.
It is a bit stressful because there is always this element of doubt at the back of your mind. What if she says no?
But you shouldn’t worry. If you’ve read the situation correctly and kept the interaction fun and playful, you should have a rather good idea of what her answer is going to be.
Nevertheless, there are still some ways you can trip up.
There are many ways a guy can mess up when he asks for a second date. Rushing things, waiting too long, or not showing enough excitement are some of them.
But, though annoying, they are not as bad as the following mistake: being too vague.
Here is how that might look:
“So, wanna hang out again?”
“Hey, are you free on Friday? Shall we do something?”
You might already see what the issue is here: These messages are lazy. You haven’t made a real effort to invite her, almost like seeing her is an afterthought.
They also don’t show that you have really given this second date much thought. She’d have to be really into you to agree without knowing anything else about the date. They also imply that she will probably have to work to plan the date. People agree to things when you make it easy for them, not harder. And so, without proof that you can take the lead, she might simply say no to your invitation.
This mistake hurts the most because, had you taken the time to make solid plans, she would have said yes.
When it comes to it, asking for a second date is simple.
Remember these three key elements of a successful ask: what, when, and where. And maybe “why”.
“What” should be something she will enjoy. Luckily, you should have no problem coming up with something original. Even something as common as a restaurant date will become more interesting for her if you know she is into Mexican food, for example.
The “Why” is simply stating the reason you want to invite her. It can be that you want to show her something great, you found an experience you’d like to share with her, or just that you are excited to spend time with her again.
The “When” and “Where” are simply the logistics of the date. It shows that you took the time to think things through. And it makes it easy for her to say yes. All the planning work has been done. The only question she needs to answer is “Do I want to go?”
And if you did everything else correctly, she will probably say: YES!