Posted by Pascal on September 23, 2020 at 10:39
Knowing how to confirm a date without sounding too desperate is an often overlooked but crucial dating skill. Without it, you might not even start dating someone new. When both of you are waiting for a text that never comes, the date will never happen.
And even if you send a text to confirm your date, you can put them off by sounding too needy or too cold.
With all the uncertainty and awkwardness brought about by a burgeoning relationship, you’ll need to strike the right balance so that everything falls into place, naturally.
To help you achieve just that, here is a list of do's and don'ts you can refer to when confirming a date.
No matter what you may have heard, you should always send a quick text before your date. It’s just the polite thing to do.
Yes, dating is wrapped in mystery and ambiguity. “Do they like me?” “Do I like them?” and “How will this sound if I say this?” are all common questions. Especially at the beginning of a relationship, where you don’t want to lay all your cards on the table right away. However, that is exactly why you should try to alleviate some of that vagueness. Indecision benefits no one.
So, send a quick text. If not to avoid miscommunications, at least to help you relax a bit.
We’ve all lived through this scenario. You made plans to go out with your crush from the gym on Friday.
It is not Friday afternoon, and you still haven’t heard from them. Is the date still on?
You don’t know. However, you don’t want to text them first. Better to wait until they show some interest first.
Your anxiety rises steadily throughout the day until you head home from work and start to wonder if you should even get ready. Yet, you have no other plans.
30 minutes before your date is when you finally give in and send a text.
But there are several problems with waiting until the last minute:
If waiting until the last minute is not optimal, neither is trying to confirm your date too far in advance.
Giving several days’ notice might seem courteous but it’s akin to holding the door for someone who is way too far. It’s not even that you seem desperate for their attention, it’s that it makes things awkward. Your plans might change. Their plans might change. Something always comes up.
It also gives your date plenty of time to change their mind and flake on you.
In other words, it doesn’t remove all doubts regarding your date. You would still have to confirm again on the day of your date, which defeats the purpose of confirming in advance.
So, what’s the right timing to confirm a date without sounding desperate?
Well, if you plan to meet during the daytime, send your text the previous day, in the afternoon or early evening. That greatly reduces the chances of something unexpected coming up.
If your date is at night, then you can still confirm the day before, but also on the same day. Mid to late morning seems fine. That gives your date plenty of time to respond.
Getting turned down by someone you really like is less than pleasant. Frankly, it sucks.
What if that super cool girl only agreed to a date because it was too embarrassing turning you down in a public place? What if that handsome guy ghosts you?
These are not pleasant thoughts. But you’ll have to work through them, lest you never know what could have happened if they said yes.
Plus, this is usually someone who showed at least some signs that they are into you. So, assume the best and contact them. Life is too short to spend it worrying.
Long drawn-out paragraphs are a no-no when it comes to texting in general. But in a confirmation text before a first date, they are exactly the opposite of what you want.
They make you sound like you are overthinking, overeager, and over the top.
In one word: desperate.
Before sending your text, remove all the fluff and other unnecessary words that only make you sound needy and demanding.
But don’t go to the other extreme either.
A bare bone: “Still on for tomorrow?”, rather than being efficient, is a bit too dry for a potentially romantic situation. You still want to show some interest.
Show that girl that you remembered what she told you about her favorite cuisine: “So, I looked up Brazilian restaurants and it turns out there’s a great churrascaria downtown. Wanna go there today?”
Let that guy know that you are looking forward to hanging out with him: “I bought new sneakers for our hike! All ready for tomorrow?”
Or just keep it super straightforward: “Hi! Just confirming we’re still meeting tomorrow!”
It is normal to feel anxious when you are not sure whether the date will go ahead or not. Especially if you like the other person.
But they don’t need to know that.
All they need to know is that you are still up for the date, and looking forward to seeing them.
So, avoid using anything that looks like this:
The list goes on, but you get the idea. These make you sound too needy, and that tends to put off people. They don’t want to imagine you biting your nails desperately waiting for a sign from them. That’s too much pressure for a guy or a girl you just met!
Confidence is attractive.
You might not feel super confident about your upcoming date, but it’s easy to hide that over text. To do that, just assume that the date is going to happen, and text accordingly:
“Hey! For tonight, the bar is a little out of the way. Wanna meet at the station and walk form there instead?”
Or something like that:
“I just heard about a fantastic izakaya right across the venue. Fancy grabbing a drink before the concert tomorrow?”
These messages are upbeat, easy to respond to, and full of confidence. They show that you put some thought into your date. And that they should expect to have a good time with you.
If they can’t make it, or are not interested, they will let you know. It’s not your job to suss that out.
Don’t try to gauge their level of interest over text. You would need to ask too many questions, which makes you sound insecure and desperate for validation. By assuming the best, you project confidence and circumvent that issue.
If you want to confirm a date with someone, wait until at least mid-to-late morning to do so. Even if you want to get it out of the way ASAP, avoid sending your message too early. It implies that the other person was the first thing you thought about in your day, which comes on too strong.
If they think you are too eager to date them, without even knowing them, they might distance themselves instead.
Similarly, texting late at night is also taboo. It almost looks like you did it as an afterthought, and probably not for the right reasons.
When learning how to confirm a date, you also need to learn to be clear about your intentions.
There is no shame in subtly indicating that you are interested in the person you are texting. Being open and honest is key to forging a deeper, more meaningful connection with them.
Sending a quick: “Just confirming we’re still on for the movie tonight!” is better than spending the whole day anxiously waiting to know if it will happen or not.
Maybe the other person will be even relieved that you made the first move.
Once you’ve made your move, you need to take your foot off the pedal and wait for their reply.
If they sound excited for your date, that’s great! Time to start flirting a bit over text.
If there is no reply, however, move on. They are not playing hard to get but rejected you without having to actually say it. Maybe they are keeping you on the backburner in case their other plans fall through.
Don’t check in later, don’t ask if they received your text, and don’t try to schedule another date. No matter how much you’d like to. If they ignore you, you are not a priority for them.
They might text you again later with promises to make it up to you. Be very careful when you see this behavior. Sometimes they have a good excuse but it’s also a red flag in dating. Playing hot and cold is a classic relationship power move, not dissimilar to manipulation.
Maybe they are just following some strange, antiquated dating rule like “wait 3 days before texting”. But you don’t really want to be in a relationship where you have to walk on eggshells, not knowing whether you offended them, if they are still interested, or what even happened during their radio silence.
The above tips are great for a guy to know how to confirm a date with a girl via text. But there is an additional layer of complexity for ladies.
When you text a guy first, you don’t want him to think he’s already won you over. If he has done most of the chasing so far, you might not be keen to reverse that just yet. That’s understandable.
If you really don’t want to sound like you are chasing after him. Here are 3 texting tricks that allow you to do just that:
That being said, regardless of your gender, you have nothing to lose by confirming your date.
Sending a quick message won’t make you sound desperate. It shows that you care about the date, that you are looking forward to seeing them. It’s also a great way to lessen the anxiety you might feel in this scenario, where nothing is set in stone.
If they turn you down or ignore you, that’s okay. Keep your chin up and plan something else instead. It may sting a bit but you don’t need to be with someone who does not value your time and attention.
If they reply and sound excited, that’s fantastic! Time for you to flirt, build anticipation, and go on your date full of confidence.
Now that you know how to confirm a date without sounding desperate, it’s time to put it in practice. Stay confident, positive, and always assume the best; you will do well. Have fun on your dates!