Posted by Pascal on June 8, 2021 at 15:09
College is often a time of great changes for younger guys. As you progressively gain more independence, you get to make choices on your own, like what classes to attend.
You also learn new skills.
That includes expanding your knowledge with classes and lectures, of course. But also, learning new social skills, different from the ones you relied on in high school.
And yes, these includes dating.
Navigating relationships when you already have so much on your plate can seem a bit daunting. However, meeting girls in college is not as intimidating as it looks on the surface.
To start with, while you do have some commitment to your classwork, and perhaps a part-time job, you still have a favorable situation when it comes to meeting new people. Indeed, you have more control over your schedule than you did in high-school, but more free time and fewer obligations than later in life.
There are also other factors that might help you with girls in college.
Like the fact that it is easier to make friends, that there are opportunities to mingle at parties and through mutual friends, and that you usually share similar schedules with a lot of people from your class, all around the same age and all living in the same general area.
That being said, just because it is absolutely possible to get a girlfriend at university, it still might take a bit of work and practice. It is easier, but not a piece of cake.
Here are a few tips to help you understand what attracts girls and how to get girls’ attention in college.
Your college years are going to be filled with opportunities to go out and interact with other people.
Yet, these won’t help you much to find a girlfriend – or girlfriends – if you don’t take advantage of them.
Stepping out of your comfort zone once in a while will be great for your social life. For your life in general, actually. For two reasons mainly:
And the more opportunities for socializing you capitalize on, the quicker you will make progress.
Depending on your personality, there are several ways you could go about it:
There is always something going on in college towns. The main point here is not so much what you choose to do, but how often you do it.
They were already good-looking in middle school, charismatic in high school, and now that you are in college, they appear to instinctively know how to attract any girl at a college party.
That’s great for them, but they are undeniably a minority.
For most young guys, these are all things you need to learn and refine as you grow up.
A good starting point would be to grow out of the style you had in high school, if you haven’t already.
Without going overboard, pick clothes that look less adolescent and more adult. No need for suits and blazers, but a fitted shirt, some nice jeans, or a cool pair of shoes can go a long way.
Something like this, for example:
Take some time to find a style that you like and that suits you. As long as you are comfortable with it, it will show.
Once you’ve worked out your wardrobe, time to work out.
Pardon the pun, but remember the advice: the more physically attractive you become, the easier it will be to attract girls in your class.
You could try to lose some weight by coming up with a healthy diet plan, or to put on some muscles. The strength you gain in college will help you later in life. Just like with your socializing skills! Do you see the pattern?
Not only that, but even if you don’t have girls swooning over you, working on your appearance will do wonders for your confidence.
The better you feel about yourself, the more comfortable you will be with those around you.
And it will really show.
Confidence draws people in. It just does.
All things being equal, a girl will probably prefer dating a more confident guy.
Knowing this, you might be curious to find ways to show more confidence and have girls chase you. And there are a few.
To start, working on your looks and appearance is not the only way you can develop your confidence around women.
You can also try to get out of your comfort zone – uncomfortable as it may be. Or identify your self-limiting beliefs, understand where they come from, and work on taking down mental barriers that hold you back. Heck, there is even an argument to be made for “faking it till you make it”.
But there is a sure, foolproof strategy to become more confident, and it can be summed up in just a sentence:
It can almost be anything:
The list goes on, but you get the idea.
To paraphrase Randy Pausch, self-esteem is not something that is given to you. You need to build it. And there is only one way to do so: it is to get something you can’t do, to work hard until you find out that you can, and repeat the process.
Whatever you pick, you might not be great at it straight away. However, once you manage to do it, you’ll realize you can do more things than you previously thought. You might even feel a little proud.
Then, you simply do it again.
Over time, your whole outlook will change, and talking to girls in college will not be as intimidating as before. It will just be something that you know you can do, just like everything else you learned in the process.
Look, it is only natural that, over the course of your college degree, you find yourself liking one girl in more than the others.
If you’re in luck, she likes you back.
And with enough confidence, you ask her out on a date, and it’s a happy ending for everyone.
All that being said, sometimes things don’t work out like you wish.
That college girl you like might already be dating someone else. She might not be into boys, or even dating at all. She could also be a terrible match for you.
It is painful when you realize that a relationship is impossible.
But you’ve got to learn to let go.
College is a big community of people. Among those, there could be dozens of girls who are better suited to you.
But you will never approach them if you are too heartbroken thinking about your crush or still not over your ex.
Of course, this is not like you can simply push a button and turn off your feelings for that girl. You should grieve first and take some time to recover from the disappointment or the pain.
Then, once you are ready, dip your toes back into the college dating pool. See who’s out there.
Maybe you will make new friends, maybe you will find a girlfriend on campus.
Whatever happens, you will be better off than before, and that is what really matters.
Good things take time.
That is not just a saying: great cities are not built overnight, fine wine and spirits get better as they age, and relationships with a solid foundation are stronger.
Yet, many college guys with their whole life ahead of them seem in a rush to do things as fast as possible.
And that often includes finding a girlfriend with whom to share their days.
But what is the rush, really?
If you settle with the first girl you meet in college, can you really be sure that she is a good match for you?
But that is beside the point.
Rushing to text a girl after getting her number, or to ask out as many girls as possible, will look a bit odd. Like desperate attempts to not be alone. And girls can often sense that.
On the other hand, spending time with girls just for the sake of getting to know them will allow you to:
All this will also make you look more confident, because if you are not monomaniacally focused on getting a girlfriend, it must be because you must already have an interesting life filled with cool activities and friends.
And most important, this helps getting girls in college attracted to you, because you will stand out. They will think “Hey, that guy is not trying to flirt with me all the time. That’s refreshing.”
If they clearly see that you are not spending time with them with the sole objective of dating them, and they feel appreciated as a person, girls might start getting curious about you. Some might even start liking you a lot!
The tips and advice distilled in this article are not a magic formula.
Sometimes, you will implement them and find great success attracting girls from school. Other times, it will take some more work and effort than you could have anticipated.
However, if you keep working at it, here is one thing that is for certain:
You will get better.
Not just better at seducing girls. Better in general. As in, a better man, with stronger interpersonal skills and a solid foundation for meaningful, fulfilling social interactions.
Then, there is what could be considered the best thing about working on yourself.
As you improve in various areas of your life, be it your looks, your confidence, your ability to do things you did not think were possible… as everything you do is pointing you to a better version of yourself, your outlook on life will change.
You will view yourself in a more positive light. As someone who can do great things and improve on the others.
Someone comfortable in his own skin, content being by yourself. Happy to be you.
Your own company will feel satisfying and this self-reliance on yourself will be a source of pride and contentment in your life.
The ability to date girls from college, or to date any girl, in fact, will just be the icing on the cake.