Break-ups are tough. They are, at the very least, a big change, and at the worst, an exhausting experience. And what’s more is that the decision to separate is often not reciprocal.
All said and done; however, separations are not always irreversible. Sometimes, under the right conditions, you can get back with your ex. The first condition for that is that she still likes you. But it’s not always easy to see, especially since you are not always going to be on the same terms as before.
So, how do you know if your ex-girlfriend is not completely over you? What signs should you look for, and what can you do about it?
There are, it turns out, many signs.
The difficult part here is knowing the difference between signs that she cares about you, like a friend, and signs that she could be looking for something more.
The simplest way to do that is to just count them. If you notice one or two signs, it won’t mean much. But the more signs you start seeing, the more she is interested, and the better the odds of you getting back together.
If reconciliation is what you are after, that is.
So, without further ado, here are eight of the best ways to tell if she is still interested or not totally over you.
Randomly, throughout the week, she finds ways to talk to you. A quick snapchat here, a Facebook comment there. Every once in a while she reaches out through text.
And that means she wants you to notice her. Here’s why: Do you remember the girl you used to date in high school? How many times have you called her recently? Zero, right?
How about your other exes? No contact as well?
If you’re like most people, that’s the norm. Sure, your ex can cross your mind once in a blue moon. Other than that, you rarely actually get in touch with an ex-girlfriend.
That’s because you are over her.
Now, if you cared more, you would make an effort to reach out sometimes.
That’s how you know your ex is still into you. If she didn’t, she would not send you these messages. She wouldn’t interact with you online. You would be completely crossed off her to-do list and she wouldn’t be trying to contact you.
It is one thing to go silent after a breakup. Most people do that so they can regroup and move past a failed relationship.
But it is another thing altogether if she states that she is taking her distances to protect her feelings.
You might hear her say things like: “It’s simply too painful to see you right now. Just give me some time to adjust,” or “Let me heal first; I miss you too much when I hear you on the phone. Maybe we can be friends in the future.”
Now, things can go two ways from there.
Either you give her the space and time she needs, she gets used to not having you around, and you won’t get back together. Time does heal all wounds.
Or you don’t take her at her word. What she is saying, in more or less direct terms, is that she is not fully over you. The key message might not be that she needs time, but that she misses you.
Of course, there could be reasons – solid reasons – for which getting back together is impossible. But this could also be a sign she hopes to start again, to mend things with you.
On the surface, it might seem like living her best life and dating other people would be a sign she is completely done with the relationship.
If she is spending the weekend at the beach with her girlfriends or skiing with a tall, dark, and handsome stranger, she won’t be thinking of you. At least, that’s what you would assume.
And maybe, just maybe, that’s what she wants.
After all, how come you are finding out about her new, more exciting life? Is she being secretive about her new crush or flaunting pictures all over her social media?
It could be that she is trying to make sure you find out about her thrilling dating life. Just to get your attention. And if you are wondering if she wants to get back with you, it looks like it’s working.
You practically never ran into her when you were dating, but now that she’s your ex, she seems to pop up everywhere.
You scroll through your Instagram and she has liked your photo from three years ago. Strange, right? Could it be that she was going through your whole feed and clicked by mistake?
Or perhaps you see her randomly on your evening jog. Or at your favorite bar.
There might be perfectly reasonable explanations for these situations. She could have acquired a taste for running when you were dating. And maybe you introduced her to that bar and she quite simply loves the place too.
But if you notice several instances like these, maybe it’s not just pure coincidence. It could also mean she is stalking you. Okay, not full-on stalking, but at least increasing her odds of seeing you. Who better to know your favorite things and where you are likely to be than someone you used to date? After all, you used to date.
Some people will act perfectly mature and amicable after a break-up. They are comfortable with the decision they made, and any lingering feelings have been dealt with.
Other people are not as good. They could act shy or aloof around you. Or simply take their distances until they figure out their feelings. These people need a bit of time to adjust to the change but are truly trying to move on.
But what about those who get mad at you? Maybe they badmouth you to your mutual friends or try to pick fights with you any time you see them. Like a girl who won’t talk to you but texts you just to let you know how mean you’ve been.
If your ex is like that, her behavior might leave you confused. Why is she so aggressive if we already broke up?
And that is exactly the question you need to answer for yourself. If she is still trying to fight like you are together, could it be that she’s not over you?
So, you’re a hard guy to track on social media. And you are not any easier to find in real life.
Well, if you won’t give up too much information about your life, there is still another way your ex can know what you are up to: mutual friends.
If her best friend suddenly acts all sweet and friendly with you, it is not because she is flirting with you. It is because her friend, your ex, is still into you.
Think about it. What makes the most sense: that her friends suddenly think you are the coolest guy in the world, or that they are doing her bidding? Why else would they randomly want to know everything that’s happening in your life?
Sometimes her friends will spill the beans and let you know directly that she has been asking about you. If not, you should really use your own judgement, but there is a chance your ex is not completely over you.
After a breakup, there is often a mutual understanding that each person keeps their friends. You stop talking to her friends and she doesn’t interact with yours. At least not as much as before.
So, if your ex is still in touch with your friends, it could reveal a lot.
By acting like nothing has changed, she can stay close to you. Your friends might give her good intel on your life, like if you are dating someone. This is also a way to make you react. Either you are okay with her gravitating around your world, or you’re not. Your reaction to the situation will give her a good idea of whether she can hold hope to get back with you or if she should move on.
And the same logic applies to family members.
If anything, it is even more pronounced. It is kind of weird for her to chat with your sister or go shopping with your mom, isn’t it? Maybe they get along super well, but she could also be showing you that she’d be okay to hang out with you too.
It’s one thing if she has left some things at your apartment and needs to pick them up. In that case, obviously, she has no choice but to talk to you. Or if the pet you used to own together needs to see the vet. She has every right to call and check on the situation.
But it’s another thing if she contacts you about trivial stuff.
For example: “I just found an old t-shirt of yours, want me to drop it off at your place?” even if you haven’t worn the shirt in three years. Or “I just ran into Kevin and he told me to say hi to you,” when you have only met Kevin twice in your life.
These could definitely be signs your ex-girlfriend is not over you.
Why, you ask?
Because virtually no girl would send these to an ex-boyfriend out of the blue. There could be an ulterior motive.
These types of texts are often a way to open the door to a conversation. To check how you react without having to admit that she is obviously not over you.
By doing so, she leaves the ball in your court. If you are interested, you shouldn’t be passive.
Speaking of which…
No matter how sure you are that your ex is still into you, you should double-check. Trust your instinct but avoid acting on a hunch. You don’t want to open up old wounds or make things awkward, especially if things just started to normalize with your ex.
Watch for more than one or two signs that she could have feelings for you. Just to be sure.
Now, take a minute to ask yourself what you want right now.
Are you still feeling hurt because she dumped you? Not ready to forgive everything that’s happened in the relationship? If so, maybe you are not quite ready to get back with your ex. And you don’t need to.
Likewise, if your feelings have changed and you don’t feel any love for her, don’t pursue getting back with your ex. You’ve moved on; pretending you still feel like before is only going to make you miserable. You can, without being rude, clarify this with her if she tries to get closer to you. Otherwise, you don’t need to do anything if you are happy with the way things are.
Then there is the case where you do want her back.
And the good news is that you most likely can. You’ve certainly made it happen before.
The key will be to keep things at a nice, relaxed pace. Make sure your interactions are positive and avoid going too fast or rushing into things. It is a delicate situation because you two have history. So, use humor and a friendly attitude and you’ll gradually drift closer to each other. Naturally.
If she hasn’t made a move yet, she is leaving things up to you. It could be time for you to start making your move. And if you want it, go for it!
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