Posted by Pascal on November 20, 2021 at 9:53
Relationships are made of many things. Your special bond with your girlfriend gives you the chance to create memories that you will keep forever. To laugh together. And to simply take time to enjoy each other’s company.
Of course, there are also harder times. Some disagreements that turn into fights. Moments of jealousy, and all the friction that usually comes when two people try to get to know each other.
Ups and downs. Laughter and tears. It’s all part of a normal relationship.
Besides, conflict does not always mean that your relationship is in trouble. You can always talk things out and discuss ways to solve your relationship issues.
But that cannot happen if your girlfriend won’t talk to you.
When your girlfriend is ignoring you, no communication is possible. Without even talking, you cannot even begin to fix things.
That is why the first thing to do after a fight is to get a dialogue going again.
But to do that, you also need to understand the reasons why your girlfriend is ignoring you.
If there is no obvious reason why your girlfriend ignores you, you are bound to have a few questions.
Like, for example: “What did I do? Did I do something wrong?”
To help you narrow down the possible reasons she is not talking to you, here are some potential explanations for her behavior – putting aside, of course, the obvious times when your girlfriend is mad at you or when things have not been going well between you two.
It may seem counterintuitive, but sometimes your girlfriend ignores you precisely because she wants you to notice her.
Think about it: if she has tried talking, texting, calling, screaming even, and that nothing worked, what else is there to do?
If your girlfriend is ignoring you, it might actually be her last attempt at getting your attention.
Some people, when go through hard times, will naturally seek help and advice from their loved ones.
Others prefer shutting down and turning inward.
Maybe your girlfriend prefers dealing with her problems on her own. Or she does not feel close enough to you yet to share everything that bothers her, no matter how small or big. Everybody handles stress in their own way.
Either way, your role would be to remain supportive and not take things personally.
Perhaps she just received a job offer or a big opportunity, and is debating whether it would be worth putting her relationship in jeopardy for it.
Or maybe she feels the relationship is moving too fast and just needs to take a beat to process it.
Your girlfriend is avoiding you not because she wants space, but because she realizes that she really cares about you.
Rejecting the job offer, or introducing friends and family would signal a strong commitment. If you have not yet talked seriously about where things are going, she might be taking a bit of time to evaluate how to go about the situation.
No, don’t start panicking yet. Just because your girlfriend is reconsidering your relationship does not mean that it is over.
Maybe she really likes you, but just needs some space for now.
Sure, she might come out of her reflections thinking she wants to break up with you. But that is not a guarantee either. Missing you could also reinforce her feelings for you.
Though this may be the worst scenario, it is still pretty common.
Breaking up is not always a clear-cut process. Sometimes people are not brave enough for that. And sometimes your girlfriend just wants to keep you around, just in case she changes her mind later on.
But the truth of the matter is that if she has realized her feelings are gone, or if she is interested in another guy, she might not tell you right away.
Getting ghosted like that is scary, because your relationship could be over and you are the last one to know.
You might find list of reasons why she is ignoring you helpful. Maybe it helped you narrow down why she suddenly acts distant towards you.
And maybe everything still seems unclear. Her behavior remains a mystery.
You might be forgiven for believing that you absolutely need to get to the bottom of things. To understand why your girlfriend is not talking to you before knowing how to get her back.
In reality, it does not matter.
Whether you understand why she is avoiding you or not, your response should be more or less the same.
Here are some things you could do in response to your girlfriend ignoring you, in five simple steps:
The tricky part about the situation is that it is most likely her decision. You had no say in her going no contact with you. In fact, you most likely disagree with the way things are.
Let her know that.
It is often pointless to keep asking her to chat, or text her constantly about meeting up. You could try asking her why she is ignoring you, but you probably won’t have much luck either. In fact, she might very well distance herself even more if you signal that you are “needy” or “pushy”.
That is the opposite of what you want. You want her to chase you, not to be running away from you.
On the other hand, keeping a stiff upper lip and showing that you accept the situation – even if you are, in fact, rattled – will only reinforce your frame.
Just because you accept that your girlfriend stopped talking does not mean that you have to agree to it.
In fact, this step will lay the groundwork for everything else: the fact that it is on her to reconnect with you, the possibility of a future relationship with your girlfriend, and the nature of that relationship.
But it does not mean that you have to get into a long-winded argument and start pointing fingers at your girlfriend.
All you have to do for this step to be effective is to tell her two things:
A simple message like that conveys that you are willing to at least reconnect and have some form of relationship with her. While it is clear that the break is not something you are happy with, it also assigns no blame to your girlfriend. That shows some maturity on your part.
This might very well be the hardest step.
Not contacting your girlfriend means that you will feel powerless. At least when you pick up your phone to call her, you are somewhat in control. You are deciding to get in touch, to force her to stop ignoring you.
In reality, it changes nothing.
In all scenarios, you would never be in charge of the future of the relationship. That has already been decided when your girlfriend decided to go radio silent on you.
In fact, by choosing to go no contact yourself, you are taking back some of that control. You are still not communicating with your girlfriend, but this time it is just as much your decision as it is hers.
On top of that, by acting this way, you are clearly leaving the ball in her court. If your girlfriend wants to talk to you, she will have to make the first move.
All that is left to do for you is to use that extra time to focus on step number 4…
You may have been so worried about your girlfriend ignoring you that you forgot to be kind to yourself.
Up until now, your mental and physical energy was spent finding ways to get back your ex-girlfriend. And that is okay.
But now, you need to make a clear commitment to taking care of yourself.
The good news is that there are many ways you can do that.
You could try some of the things you always wanted to do but did not because your girlfriend was not really into them.
Or you could try your hand at a few hobbies and new activities and see what you enjoy. Not only will that provide a welcome distraction from thinking about your relationship all the time, it could also be a great way to meet new people and make new friends.
And of course, throughout all that, you should spend some time with your loved ones. Call a friend you have not seen in a while, and just relax around people who care about you. That will do wonders for your well-being.
In spite of appearances, you still have a say in this relationship.
Sure, your girlfriend is ignoring you, so you are forced to react to her decisions. It also could very well be the opposite of what you want.
But it does not mean that you are completely powerless.
First of all, by enjoying your life, meeting new people, and generally being the best version of yourself, you are going to feel three things:
What this means is that if you start to feel tired of waiting for a sign from your girlfriend, you are free to leave her.
If your girlfriend wants to come back into your life, you are also free to accept it, or to put an end to the relationship. You are allowed to change your mind about being her boyfriend, and if you decide the cost is too high (for your mental health, for your happiness, etc.), then there is nothing wrong with moving on.
And finally, if you meet someone new and are interested in pursuing things further, you are also free to do so. Just make sure that everything is clear, both with your girlfriend – now, ex-girlfriend - and the new person you choose to date.
Like the title of this section says, you are in the driver’s seat. You are in control not only of your relationship, but of your life.
Make sure it is as fun, fulfilling, and enriching as possible. Do it for yourself.
You are worth it.