Posted by Pascal on July 12, 2021 at 15:01
Imagine if you had to draw up a general list of signs a girl is interested in you.
Off the top of your head, you could probably write down quite a few. Like when a girl keeps texting you, or if she seems to take every opportunity to talk to you.
You know, of course, that it also depends on the topic of her conversations with you.
Is she just making small talk and casual conversation, or is she sharing more details about her life? If it is the latter, there might be a good chance she likes you. But how can you tell if she likes you as a friend, or something more?
Misinterpreting her intentions could be embarrassing and lead your friendship to a premature ending. At the same time, if there are signs she wants you to be her boyfriend, and you are into her, you want to play your cards right.
While you may be comfortable having conversations with your guy friends, it is different with a girl. Especially when you are not necessarily used to talking with girls.
This is why it is so important to know how should you react when a girl is sharing personal things with you.
Lucky for you, it is not rocket science.
And the – other – good news is that when you see these signs a girl wants to talk to you, it means that she is already comfortable with you. Comfortable with you as a friend, at the very least.
But also, potentially, as a boyfriend.
Before anything else, it is important to note one thing: every girl is different.
This means that different girls will have different reasons to talk to you about personal stuff. Just like everybody you have ever talked to.
There will be girls who are naturally trusting, open, and great conversationalists.
To them, every conversation is an opportunity to exchange and get to know the other person on a more personal level. No one is a stranger in their mind. If such a girl shares her personal life with you, she is probably hoping to connect and that you will get to know her more.
It does not always mean that they feel any particular way about you. Sure, she likes you enough to have a good conversation with you, but they would act the same way with all their friends.
On the other hand, some girls are more introverted and reserved.
They would never share details of their personal lives with strangers. Sometimes, they won’t even get into too deep conversations with their friends and families.
There could be a myriad of reasons for their choice to keep their personal life private. Be it self-preservation, shyness, fear of embarrassment, or not wanting to be disappointed or hurt.
If a girl like that talks about her personal life with you, it is a pretty big deal.
It means that she feels close to you and trusts you enough to listen to her without judging her.
So, when a girl is open with you about her personal life, ask yourself if this is typical behavior for her. In both cases, it means that she feels comfortable with you. However, it will help you not get ahead of yourself if that is something she does with everyone.
And take her trust seriously if it is not something she usually does.
If you were lucky enough to grow up in an environment that encouraged communication, you know how helpful it can be to express feelings and emotions through dialogue and conversation.
For a lot of guys, however, that is not the case.
Most men grow up with the belief that feelings are taboo and should be bottled up. That talking about how you feel is not manly.
These men have been trained from a very young age to only open when they really need help with something, or need advice that they can’t get on their own. If it is not very, very important, you keep it to yourself.
This is why it can be puzzling when a girl tells you about her personal life.
You might be tempted to think: “Does she need my input here?” “Does this mean she likes me?” or “I might be able to help her with that problem.”
But just because you personally would talk about personal stuff with the people closest to you does not mean that she feels the same way.
Here are possible reasons that might push a girl to share personal stories with you:
From time to time, everyone can have a bad day, week, or month.
When that happens, life can feel a bit heavy. Like you are carrying a burden.
And talking things out with someone can help lift that weight just a little bit. If nothing else, it is a great way to gain some perspective. If a girl tells you about her personal problems, maybe that’s what’s happening.
Have you ever had a conversation with someone who listened really, really well?
If you have, it is probably easy to remember how good you felt afterwards.
It is easy to tell the difference between someone who is just waiting for you to finish talking so they can tell their own stories, and someone who is attentively listening to what you have to say.
If that’s you, no wonder girls want to talk to you.
Whether she values your friendship or sees you as a potential date, she cares about you.
Some girls will share every detail of their personal life with people they love. Others will be more private.
Whatever category she is in, by telling you about her private life, this girl is letting you know that you are included in it.
It could be simply because she respects and values your opinion.
Or maybe, because she could see herself dating you in the future.
In both cases, your listening skills are appreciated, and helping you build a deeper understanding of who she is as a person. If you can do this consistently, you can strengthen your relationship with her.
Last but not least, there is the possibility that she is stuck on something and is looking for a different perspective.
Or, at least, some sort of consolation and reassurance.
Just like you and everyone else, girls can’t always solve everything by themselves. You can show her that she can depend on you in times like these.
If you have been paying attention so far, you may have noticed a pattern in the previous reasons why a girl is talking with you about her life: it is because you are doing a good job at listening to her.
Notice how, most situations do not even require you to say anything.
A lot of guys are problem-solvers. They love being confronted with tricky, or unusual situations, and working at resolving them.
If that’s your case, and a girl comes to you with a personal issue she is dealing with, it can be soooooo tempting to offer a solution. To give her a few ways that she could go about tackling whatever it is that she is dealing with. Heck, even if she has no problem at all, you could want to give her your opinion, thinking that the way you see things could be useful to her.
Don’t do that.
First of all, if you are busy focusing on the great things you are going to say, you can’t really be listening. It often leads to comments like “I shared something very personal with a guy, but he kept interrupting with his opinion. I felt like he did not really get me at all. Or even care.”
And secondly, it is probably not what she needs.
A lot of times, simply listening and being someone in whom she can confide, is more than enough.
Here is how you can react instead:
If it is a serious conversation, feel free to sympathize with what she is going through: “I didn’t know you had such a hard time,” “That sounds really scary. I’m here for you if you need me,” or “Very sorry to hear that. If there is anything I can do…”
Not every conversation will revolve around a heavy topic. Sometimes a girl will want to share something exciting with you. If congratulations are in order, congratulate her. When celebrations are in order, rejoice with her.
“That’s amazing. Thank you for sharing this with me,” or “I’m super happy for you. You must be so proud.”
Resist the urge to take her spotlight by sharing your own success story. You will have time for that later, but now is not the time.
Questions show that you are interested in what she is telling you. More than that, the right questions will show that you were, in fact, listening attentively to what she was saying.
Plus, if she is talking about something she loves, she will be delighted that you want to hear more about it.
Listening to a girl is easy. Even small, one-word reactions like “Oh wow,” or “Really? That’s crazy” can be enough to show that you are paying attention.
The most difficult part about it is perhaps remembering to let her talk and refrain from butting in or interrupting her.
There are, however, some situations where you need to give your own opinion. Here are some examples:
By and large, these are a rare minority of cases, but they could happen nevertheless, so be ready in case they arise.
A girl talking about her personal life with you is a bit of a gift: she is telling you, directly or indirectly, that she is comfortable with you.
Knowing that, there are really only two questions you should ask yourself.
The first one is: “Am I happy being her friend?”
If the answer is “Yes”, then you are in luck, as you already are where you want to be. Whether you shoot the breeze with her or get into deeper conversations, keep doing what you are doing. Don’t lead her on. Keep listening to her and being a good friend for her, and your friendship will likely be returned twofold.
If the answer is “No, I want her to be my girlfriend”, then you have a second question to ask yourself: Do you think the girl likes you too?
You already know she enjoys talking with you. Now, look for other signs a girl wants to date you. The more signs you find, the higher your chances.
If she makes it clear that she only sees you as a friend, that’s okay. You can decide to be that friend for her, or to move on. Whatever you are most comfortable with. It is completely up to you.
Finally, if you are on the fence and think that she might be interested, but you are not 100% sure, feel free to take your time.
The great news is that you can keep talking with her; she already values your connection. In turn, use this opportunity to really get to know her and get closer to her. The more you know her and what she is into, the easier it will be to ask her out on a date.
In all cases, you have a solid foundation to build upon. Congratulations!