Knowing how to get a girl’s phone number is an essential step in most, if not all, dating situations.
It is a more personal and intimate way of communicating, but also a way to implicitly say: “let’s keep in touch”. If a girl gives you her number, she might be letting you know that it’s okay to contact her and perhaps see her again.
Knowing this, it’s easy to understand why so many guys want to learn how to ask a girl for her number: if she says “yes,” it suggests that his chances of going on a first or second date just shot up.
Since many relationships start online nowadays, let’s start by looking at how to get a girl’s number after meeting her online. But there are also other situations where this skill might come in handy, like asking a girl you already know. That could be a little harder, especially if you have never flirted with her before or talked about dating.
Finally, we will also look at asking a girl out after a “cold” approach. This is hard for most guys, but if you meet a cute girl at a party or in a bar, you might have regrets if you don’t at least ask her for her number.
Online dating has been adopted by the masses. In fact, in North America, over a third of couples met on a dating site of some sort.
Since you are reading this, you are probably familiar with online dating too.
So, here is all you need to know about asking for a girl’s number on a dating site.
Getting a girl’s number is so widely considered a milestone of our dating culture that we seldom ask ourselves if it is even worth it.
After all, online dating sites often offer ways to communicate with other people. Vidamora, for instance, has the option to contact your crush via instant messaging, but you can also set up a date through regular messages as well.
Surely, you can get to know a woman – and set up a date or two – without exchanging numbers, right?
Well… technically, yes. But here are also three reasons you should learn how to get her number even when you have these other options:
Now that you’ve decided to ask for her number, you need to pick the correct timing and find a way to work it into a natural conversation.
Let’s focus on the timing first:
While you have a little bit of flexibility to decide when to ask a girl for her number, you cannot rush things. Rushing to do so in the first few conversations is unlikely to work out for you. To start with, it does not give you enough time to build rapport and trust with her. You will look overly enthusiastic and not genuine. Also, you won’t know the girl enough to suggest a date idea that she might enjoy. And finally, she will not know enough about you to decide whether she would like to give you her number. When in doubt, her first instinct might be to refuse it, or ghost you.
So, no rushing things… but don’t wait too long either.
Conversations that drag on for days or weeks can get boring. Her initial excitement might wear off and she might start viewing you as a friend or someone she can confide in, rather than a potential partner.
Great, now that you have a general idea of when you are going to ask her phone number, here are some quick rules of thumb for how to do it:
“Do you want to move this conversation to text?” or “What’s a phone number I can use if I want to send you a text?”
This is the simplest way. However, it is also the hardest to come across naturally. But if you have great rapport with the girl and you both seem to get along well, it has a high chance of working for you.
If you took the time to connect with the girl, you already know some things she might enjoy. Offer to do them together: “There is a rock concert next week, wanna go together?” or “I know this great wine bar I think you’d love. When do you want to try it out?”
Then, if the date is on, simply work asking for her number into the conversation: “Where can I text you the address?” or “I’ll give you a call when I get there, what’s your phone number?”
If you are interested in someone outside of a dating website and want to get her number, you might have no choice but to flex your social skills muscles a little bit.
This is a bit more intimidating.
Your fear of rejection could be higher, because you will be facing it in person. Just remember that, just like in online dating, rejection happens. Also know that, if a girl is turning you down, it is often not personal and not easy for her either.
And it is always much better than getting her number only to get strung along or ghosted later. Knowing this should make it easier to move on and maybe even become friends with the girl who turned you down.
That being said, there will be a significant difference between asking the number of a girl you already know versus asking a complete stranger out.
There are many situations where you might know a girl in passing, but not know her enough to already have her number.
Hobbies, for example, are a great way to meet people and make new friends. But whether your goal is simply finding friends or someone to date, you first have to build some sort of rapport with the other person.
To put it simply, it means you need to work on your conversation skills a little bit.
With an open and positive body language, ask her some questions. Get to know her a little bit and show her that you are fun to hang out with.
If you feel confident, you can try flirting a little bit and see how she responds. Although, that step is not completely necessary.
You will then have several options when it comes to actually asking the girl for her phone number:
The main difference between getting the number of a girl you already know, and getting the number of a girl you don’t know, is that you need to introduce yourself and break the ice.
Well, that, and the fact that it is a little bit more stressful because you are interacting with her for the first time.
To help mitigate this stress, you could learn to recognize the signs a girl wants you to notice her.
Regardless of whether she shows you signs of interest, however, the basics are the same:
Speaking of opening lines, here are a few that you could try:
“I had no idea they played music in this bar.”
“It’s so good that they turned the AC on in the conference room. It was getting pretty hot in there”.
“Do you know the band that’s playing tonight?”
“I often see you around here. Do you work in the building?”
“Did you understand everything in Mr. Smith’s lecture today?”
“Hey, you look familiar. Do you go to my school?”
“Hi, I’m Steve. Nice to meet you.”
“I think we’re in the same dance class. I’m Josh, by the way.”
You might start to notice something about these examples: None of them are super original, creative opening lines. In fact, one could argue they are quite plain, even boring.
Sure, in online dating, you need to stand out. Women usually receive more messages than men on dating sites, so you need to make an impression right out of the gate. To show that you are witty, funny, and high-value.
But in real life?
Not so much. As long as the conversation that follows is interesting, your opening line won’t matter too much. The goal is to just open the possibility for an interaction, not to woo the girl.
From there, you can follow the same type of conversation that you would have with a girl you know, and hopefully get her number.
The same principles apply here.
You don’t want to ask her number right off the bat, to allow to build some rapport. But you don’t want to wait until the end of the conversation, where the energy has started to go down and there are more awkward poses.
When you start to notice it happening, you might be too late. You will have much better odds of getting her number in another conversation, and it will reflect better on you too.
That is why, when you are having a great conversation and the feeling seems to be mutual, you should ask right then and there. No need to wait for a perfect timing, any high point in the conversation gives you the best odds of success.
When she gives you her number, there is one final thing to remember: make sure the conversation ends naturally.
Without overstaying your welcome, of course.
That means you should stick around a little bit after exchanging numbers. Have one or two minutes to allow for some light chatting or a bit of flirting.
It will build a stronger connection with the girl, show her that you are interested in her, not just getting her number, and take the focus away from the act of “exchanging mobile numbers”.
As with most things in life, practice makes perfect. You might not manage to get a girl’s number the first time. You might not succeed the first ten times. Or fifteen. But eventually, you will find something that works for you.
You will find a girl that you can connect with. A real relationship.
And that relationship might start in the simplest way: when you ask her for her phone number.
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